


Bitter

by glyphsbowtie



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-24
Updated: 2016-05-18
Packaged: 2018-05-15 23:15:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 18
Words: 26,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5804122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glyphsbowtie/pseuds/glyphsbowtie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kylo Ren’s misson is to capture Rey, regardless of the cost. A single stolen kiss reignites something dead within him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part One

**Author's Note:**

> Apparently I haven’t written anything in 18 months but I’m trash for this ship. It’s not been beta read so any errors are mine. There will be more soon.

If pushed, she’d never be able to explain what had made her do it.

One moment, she was glaring up at Kylo Ren, teeth bared and eyes flashing as they held his livid gaze. Their lightsabers were locked, each using all their energy to hold off the other.

She felt no fear. Anger, on the other hand, was lurking dangerously at the edges of her mind. Perhaps that was what made her do it.

Perhaps not.

Perhaps it was his eyes. This close, she could see they were soft brown, ringed with green. His pupils were blown, wide. But she had been this close to his eyes before.

He was speaking, words ground out in that low, growling monotone.

It came over her in a rush, a flare of Force power that made her tingle as she pushed him backwards, causing him to temporarily lose his footing and stagger. His lightsaber dropped to his side, but it would only be a second before he raised it again.

She could run him through.

She didn’t.

She lowered her own weapon and lunged at him, wrapping one arm around his neck and reaching up with her mouth to his.

He froze, and she could sense the utter shock he was feeling.  _ What am I doing?  _ She forced away the questions and lived in the moment, focusing on the cold, soft lips beneath her own. He was absolutely still, like granite, for what felt like a lifetime.

Then he kissed her back.

He devoured her mouth, lips working furiously against hers. His free arm wrapped around her lower back, pulling her flush to him, and she shivered at the contact, whimpering slightly into his open mouth. He tasted of snow and ice, bitter and intoxicating.

When their mouths disengaged, he staggered back from her.

“Why?” he demanded. His dark hair was ruffled from their embrace, eyes narrow and suspicious. His white cheeks were tinged pink.

Rey wanted to hate herself in that moment, but all she could feel was confusion. She didn’t know why, only knew that she had to do it. She opened and closed her mouth stupidly.

They both heard his support approaching. She knew she should raise her lightsaber so that this could be finished before his Knights arrived. Her arm felt like lead. She couldn’t raise it. Glancing towards the icy trees, she guessed there were perhaps two minutes before she was surrounded.

Kylo Ren took advantage of her momentary distraction to step closer to her, and when she looked back his face was looming above hers. She gasped, but there was no malice on his hard features. Instead, his eyes looked almost tearful.

“Go.” He almost whispered the word.

This was a trap. It had to be. She felt like was wrestling with something very big within herself.

“Rey, please. Go.”

If pushed, she’d never be able to explain what made her say it. As he lowered his mouth to her forehead to brush an impossibly tender kiss against her skin, she curved her fingers around his jaw. “Ben,” she breathed.

Kylo Ren was wounded. She could see it clearly on his face as he stepped back from her, lips slightly parted and a tear breaking free to trail down his face.

Her heart broke as she looked at him.

Then she fled.


	2. Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My most sincere thanks and love to everyone who read/commented on the first chapter. It was scary sharing writing after such a long break and you guys made me incredibly glad I had.

Rey was exhausted.

Chewbacca had sensed it when she had scrabbled back into the Falcon after her escape from Kylo Ren- not that she could really think of it as that- and she had allowed him to manage most of their journey back. She had spent most of it lying still, trying not to remember the taste of her enemy in her mouth, musing instead on how she was going to tell General Organa that her mission had been a failure. She was returning without the intel she had been sent for.

They had landed a good distance away from the First Order base on the frozen planet and she had focused being quiet and aware as she crept through the icy forest, thinking about what Luke had already taught her.

There was supposed to be minimal resistance on this planet. The base was a prison for the unfortunate members of the Resistance the First Order wanted to keep alive. Its location was a secret, and General Organa had only learned of it from a garbled transmission one of the poor captured souls had sent in the moments before his death. She had been convinced the First Order had been unaware the message had been sent.

So the Resistance had decided to send in a lone reconnaissance officer, and Rey had been chosen. It was supposed to be an easy mission.

Which was why Rey was caught absolutely by surprise when she rounded a corner and saw Kylo Ren sitting, unmasked, beneath a silvery tree. He was leaning against the trunk, long legs stretched out, looking utterly untroubled by her arrival.

“My scavenger,” he had said.

Rey blushed at the memories of what had followed. The fight. The kiss.

When they arrived back at the base, Finn was waiting to escort her to the General. He was grinning as she stepped down to join him, but it faded quickly as he looked at her sullen face.

“What happened?” he asked.

Afraid he would see Kylo Ren’s kisses in her eyes if she looked at him, she started walking briskly towards the General’s office, feeling a storm brewing inside her. “I got caught by Ren. I had to flee.”

He fell into step beside her, and clapped her on the shoulder. “It’s not your fault, Rey.”

“Of course it is,” she said tersely.

They reached the door in awkward silence. Finn was clearly at a loss for words, unable to understand why his friend was so sullen.

“I’m glad you’re back,” he said gently as the door opened.

She turned away and entered the office. The door slid shut behind her. General Organa faced her expectantly with tired and red-ringed eyes. Rey momentarily forgot her own feelings as a wave of sympathy washed over her. The General had been working solidly in the weeks since Han Solo had been killed. Rumours circulated the base that she no longer slept. Rey felt an almost burning admiration for the woman. She had lost everything- a son to the Dark Side, and the love of her life at the hands of her own son. Luke’s return had soothed the hurt, at least, but it was the sort of thing that could never be healed.

Yet still she was trying to take down the First Order, selflessly and bravely.

Rey felt shame. She was being trusted by this woman to help their cause, and instead she had been distracted by kissing their enemy.

“I’m sorry,” Rey said.

The General raised an eyebrow. “Please- sit down, Rey.”

Rey removed her staff and placed it by the door before sitting down across from Leia. “I failed,” she said dully. “I didn’t get the information.”

“There’ll be another chance,” the General said kindly. “But what happened?”

“He was there. Kylo Ren.” Rey struggled to keep her face impassive as she said his name. Again, she felt the icy lips against her own, the ghost of the bitter taste of his kiss echoing in her mouth. Her enemy. Leia’s son. The man who had killed Han Solo. It was too much, and she swallowed around a hot, painful lump in her throat.

Leia froze at his name, and watched the emotions play out on Rey’s face. Her own eyes looked wet as she asked, “What did he do to you?”

_ He kissed me like nobody ever has. He let me go without harming me. He looked destroyed when I called him by the name you gave him _ . “He bested me in a fight. I was lucky to escape.”

The General leaned back, covered her eyes with her hand. She sighed.

“I’ll go back,” Rey said, overwhelmed with a desperate need to please the General, to make up for what she had done. “I’ll get the information.”

“Ben- Kylo Ren- will be waiting for you,” General Organa said. The sound of his real name made Rey blush, but the General still had her eyes covered.

“Perhaps,” said Rey, and her stomach knotted at the thought. “I have to go back and finish this, General.”

“Get some rest. Talk to Luke. We can discuss this tomorrow, Rey.”

*

“You are aware of your mission. The girl must be captured, regardless of the cost. And yet… you have failed. Again.”

Kylo Ren, on bent knee before the flickering image of Snoke, was glad he was wearing his mask. It had been Snoke who, so many years ago, had encouraged him to start wearing one to hide the fact that his face betrayed his emotions so easily. It was twisted up now at the memory of what had happened.

“I will not fail again, Supreme Leader.”

“I grow weary of this, Kylo Ren. Your compassion for the girl is becoming quite unacceptable.”

“She is valuable, Supreme Leader. The only way to stop her escape would have been her death.”

“You are aware that she will return. The next time I hear from you, I wish it to be with the news that she is your prisoner.”

“Of course.”

Snoke disappeared, and Kylo Ren found himself alone in the large, cold communications room of the base. He rose to his feet and swept out, wanting to be in his own quarters for the harsh conversation he needed to have with himself.

Stormtroopers stopped politely as he passed them, but he ignored them. The base was mostly silent; the staff here were used to the cruelties inflicted on the prisoners, but there was a solemn heaviness in the air wherever you went. A distant scream sounded as Kylo Ren reached his rooms.

He removed the helmet and stared at his reflection in the mirror, looking for something different in his face. He had felt something awaken inside himself today, something he had believed dead. But there was no change he could see. The wound she had delivered to his face a few weeks ago was scarring quite neatly along one eye.

His scavenger.

She didn’t know he could sense her, feel her, sometimes even hear her thoughts. The connection wasn’t strong- certainly not strong enough for him to track her back to the Resistance base. Maybe that was why he hadn’t told Snoke about it.

He remembered the taste of her. Maybe not.

That was how he had known she was coming to this base, how he had been able to lie so comfortably in wait in the frozen forest for her. Her expression when she had seen him had been priceless.

As they had fought, he had felt her hatred, seen it in her flashing eyes. It was beautiful.

He had never thought of her as attractive before. In their couple of meetings before today, she had simply been a tiny, dirty scavenger to be crushed, then a dangerous enemy to destroy. If he was honest, it was only after the Resistance’s destruction of Starkiller Base that he had started to think of her as a person. It had started when he started to glimpse her mind.

One moment, they were pressing their lightsabers together, trying to overpower the other. The next, she was wrapped around him, kissing him.

Kylo Ren sat down on his hard bed, cradling his head in his hands as he remembered. He ought to forget- he should never have allowed it, and he certainly shouldn’t have pulled her closer and kissed her back- he needed to forget. But he wasn’t going to.

She had tasted so sweet, her mouth so warm. There had been no malice, no tricks in the kiss. He could only assume she had simply wanted to kiss him. But why?

Rey was clearly quite insane.

When she pulled back, she had been the prettiest thing he had ever seen. He had never noticed how soft her brown eyes were, how plump her lips were. And she was looking at him like he was… like he was…

“ _ Ben _ ,” she had breathed.

But he wasn’t. He couldn’t be.

He had been for a moment, though. Quite inexplicably, he had watched her go, although he was quite sure he could have stopped her easily.

Exhaling shakily, Kylo Ren lay down. He needed to catch her. This was simply unacceptable. He had to find her.

For a long time, he lay still, focusing on her mind. The connection wasn’t strong- it never was- but it was enough to lose himself in for a few hours. There was some vindication to be felt at the fact that she was as confused and disappointed as he was.

Eventually, he knew. She was planning to come back.


	3. Part Three

Sat opposite Luke, Rey had the unusual experience of trying to hide her thoughts from him.

Their relationship had never quite been what she had hoped it was going to be. When she had found him, held out his lightsaber, stared at him with the question so clearly written on her face, it had taken him a long, long time to respond.

Now she wondered if it was because he could see Kylo Ren in her face.

He had agreed to return and train her, but he had never made a secret of the fact that he didn’t truly trust her. This caused her great frustration. He had a habit of poking about inside her mind, and he never bothered to do it subtly. She had made a point of always being open, hiding nothing, defiant and annoyed.

She wondered if he could sense the block she had thrown up around her most recent memories of his former student.

“I need to speak to Leia,” he announced suddenly.

They were sitting cross-legged on the floor. He stood up, indicating that she was dismissed from this conversation, and she bowed stiffly to him before heading out.

She was aching and exhausted from her fight with Kylo Ren, and she wanted nothing more than to collapse beneath her blanket and go to sleep for twelve hours. This plan met its match in Poe Dameron, with whom she all but collided as she left Luke’s quarters.

“Rey, come with me,” he said. His voice was gentle but firm, and she allowed herself to steered by him towards the distant chatter of the canteen.

Before she could properly gather her thoughts, she was sat beside Poe and opposite Finn, a plate of steaming food in front of her. It was late, and there weren't many people around. Still, after so long alone, Rey felt uncomfortable and exposed. She forced herself to look into Finn’s worried eyes.

“I'm sorry,” she said. “I was upset before, and I took it out on you.”

“We're just worried about you, Rey,” Finn replied warmly. “Don't let that bastard get you down.”

She sighed. Kylo Ren was a bastard, and that was putting it lightly... which rendered this whole thing insane. She shouldn't be feeling creeping flutters below her stomach at the thought of him. Her face was hot as she replied. “I'm not. I just don't like him beating me.”

“You've only been training for weeks. He's had years,” Poe offered.

Perhaps he had wormed his way into her brain and forced her to kiss him. She toyed with the idea, then dismissed it. When he had been trying to force her to give him information, the intrusion in her head had been unbearable, and their connection (“ _ I feel it too.” _ ) had been excruciating and all-consuming, leaving her hollow after it was gone. She would have known if he'd influenced her.

“What’s next, then?” Finn asked, clearly trying to shake her from her mood.

“I’m waiting for General Organa to tell me I can go back. Master Luke has gone to speak to her, although I’m not sure if he’s in favour of my return or against it.”

“Maybe I can come too,” Finn offered. “Help you take that guy out.”

Rey felt a slight wave of nausea, but she choked it down. “I’m training to be a Jedi, Finn. I’m not supposed to aim to ‘take guys out’.”

Finn rolled his eyes at Poe in a long-suffering way. “What do you think, Poe? I wouldn’t trust that slippery bastard enough to take him alive. I’ve seen what he’s capable of.”

Rey really wasn’t sure she wanted to hear what Kylo Ren was capable of, especially since she was still so aware of the ghost of his kiss on her forehead. It had been a gesture that was pure and good in the most simple of ways. She knew it was wrong to want to treasure that moment, hold it untarnished in her mind.

“Damn right, buddy,” Poe said. “I saw enough of him when I was his prisoner.”

“I’m going to sleep,” Rey announced, standing up suddenly. Her friends stared at her, surprised and concerned, but she shook her head and left.

She barely made it back to her quarters before she was sick, bent over double with streaming eyes. Afterwards, she sat on the hard floor, arms wrapped around her knees.

Something had gone very wrong. She was meant to be an agent of the light side of the Force. Kylo Ren represented very clearly the dark side, the selfish evil she was meant to be fighting against. Why had she kissed him? Why couldn’t she stop thinking about it?

When she finally crawled beneath her blanket, it took a long time for sleep to come.

_ It was freezing cold. She tugged her robes more snuggly around her as she stalked through the frozen forest, knowing what she was about to encounter. She wasn’t afraid. She was excited… almost pleased. _

_ Kylo Ren was sitting beneath the tree, long legs stretched out before him. He turned to her without smiling and said, “My scavenger.” _

_ He rose, hand moving towards his lightsaber, but she didn’t reach for hers. Instead, she stood perfectly still, wind whipping the strands of hair which had fallen loose around her face. He was soft, blurred almost, as he reached her. _

_ Looking down at her with soft eyes, he frowned a little. This close, she could count the raised brown freckles that were scattered across his porcelain skin. _

_ She stood up on her tiptoes as he bent his mouth down to hers, and she felt his cool breath on her lips before- _

_ “What trickery is this?” demanded a harsh, familiar voice behind her, and she turned to see another Kylo Ren standing there. This one was clear-  _ real _ , she realised… not a part of this dream. _

_ The forest blurred as she faced him, heart beginning to race. What was this? “How did you-?” _

_ How did one fight an enemy in a dream? He stalked towards her, clearly livid, and she knew the soft, amorous version from her dream had vanished behind her. _

_ “Are you… in my dream?” she asked, taking a step back. _

_ “So it would seem,” he snarled, grabbing her shoulders. His touch was very corporeal and he certainly wasn’t gentle. She tried to wriggle back. _

_ Shame burned her cheeks. How was this possible? Had he really seen her dreaming about kissing him? It was impossible for her to meet his eyes. _

_ She needed to wake up. _

_ “Look at me, scavenger,” he ordered. _

_ She tried to push him back with the Force, but nothing happened. She didn’t have any powers in this dreamworld. Realising this, he tipped her chin up roughly with his gloved fingers. His eyes were certainly not soft now- they were aflame, furious, confused. _

_ “Get out,” she said. Her voice trembled. _

_ “What is this? Why were you dreaming about that?” He was utterly serious. He genuinely didn’t understand. _

_ That stung. _

_ “Get  _ out _!” she repeated, and there was more power behind these words. _

Rey woke up in a tangle of damp blankets. Her heart was pounding. She could still feel the ache in her shoulders from Kylo Ren’s bruising grip.

*

For Kylo Ren, the whole thing was over very quickly. One moment he was thinking about the scavenger girl returning, and what he would do when she did, and the next he was standing in the spectre of the frozen forest, watching himself bending down to kiss the girl.

The shock of suddenly materialising here made him angry. He couldn’t understand what he was seeing.

The other Kylo Ren’s face was burning with an emotion he didn’t remember ever feeling- it was disconcerting to watch the softness play in his own features. The worst thing was that the other Kylo Ren looked  _ happy _ .

“What trickery is this?” he roared, reaching for a lightsaber that wasn’t there. The girl turned to him, eyes wide and horrified.

“How did you-?” she began. The other version of him behind her melted away.

He realised where she was as he crossed to her. He was in her dream. He had heard of this, of course, but it had never happened to him. How had she done this? He was quite convinced that he couldn’t actually hurt her in a dream, but he was quite content to threaten it to get some information out of her.

“Are you… in my dream?” she asked, taking a step back.

She was the very image of pure innocence, not looking at him, her face clouded. “So it would seem,” he ground out, grabbing at her. Why wasn’t she looking at him? Wasn’t she afraid? “Look at me, scavenger,” he ordered.

He saw her tense and realised that she was trying to use the Force to push him away, but nothing happened. Why would she try to push him away? Didn’t she realise he was as confused as she was?

Hadn’t she just been dreaming about kissing him?

No- not him. The man in her dreams had been  _ Ben _ , not Kylo Ren.

He didn’t understand her, and that made him reach for her chin and tip it up so that her eyes were forced onto his. She looked the same as she had in the forest, when they had kissed. Her lightness was overwhelming and bright. He wanted to surround himself in it. He wanted to kiss her until she couldn’t remember what the light side was. What was happening to him?

“Get out,” she said. Her voice trembled.

“What is this? Why were you dreaming about that?” He needed to know. Was the scavenger girl developing feelings for him? That might make things easier.

The idea made his stomach twist in a way that had nothing to do with practicalities.

“Get out!” she repeated, and there was more power behind these words.

She vanished beneath his fingers, and it was dark. He didn’t wake up, and he felt another presence behind him.

“Ben.”

He froze at the name, refusing to give into the urge to turn around.

“How are you here?” he demanded.

“I am with you, Ben-always.”

“He is dead. He was weak and foolish.”

“I disagree.” Luke Skywalker’s voice was soothing. “You know what is happening, don’t you? You’ve made a Force bond with Rey.”

That was when Kylo Ren woke up, trembling.


	4. Part Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! I'm away this weekend which has really slowed me down.

The first thing that happened when Kylo Ren opened his eyes was a sense of panic. Luke was still linked to him? He had explored that connection extensively over the years, testing to see if he could exploit it to locate his former Master. Snoke had even administered some intense pain stress to his brain to see if the bond was still lurking in his subconsciousness.

 

Despite the torture, it wasn’t.

 

Again he had the nagging feeling that there was something alive inside him that wasn’t there before the girl had thrown herself at him.

 

He sat up. A sheen of sweat coated his neck, and his mouth was dry. Raking long fingers through his tangled hair, he frowned. How had he ended up in Rey’s dream?

 

And perhaps more importantly,  _ why the hell had she been dreaming about that? _

 

There was no fear in her dream. She hadn’t been remembering it because he had terrified her with his mere presence- which was what he usually aimed for.

 

This was ridiculous.

 

His musings were interrupted by the nagging feeling at the back of his skull that meant that Snoke was using the Force to summon him. Hoping that Snoke hadn’t also been an audience member in the girl’s dream, he hurriedly got dressed and slid his helmet on before heading to the comms room.

 

The conversation was brief.

 

“I require your return to me at once,” Snoke instructed simply, the hologram flickering eerily in the half-light.

 

“I believed the plan was for me to wait here for the girl, Supreme Leader.”

 

The white face twisted cruelly. “We have located the Resistance base. The girl will be in our custody shortly. I require you to aid with her interrogation.”

 

The Resistance base. General Organa was there. Skywalker was presumably there too. And the girl. An emotion he didn’t recognise flooded him, and he was glad again he was wearing the mask. “Allow me to go and assist our forces.”

 

“Unnecessary. They are unaware that we know. It will be an easy victory.” Snoke paused, eyes glittering. “I plan to bring both Skywalker and your mother into custody, but it may prove simpler to just kill them. Our forces have been instructed that your mother is expendable.”

 

“She is no longer my mother.” He had said the words many, many times before. For a second, he pictured the smiling face of Han Solo, but then it was gone. He would resist the call of the light side.

 

“A crew of four have been assigned to your command shuttle. You will depart in two hours.” Snoke flickered out.

 

Kylo Ren stood very, very still. He felt numb. He could hear the blood rushing in his ears, and he removed his helmet to take a deep gulp of air.

 

_ Your mother is expendable. _

 

He hadn’t seen her for so long.

 

Would he be feeling like this if it wasn’t for all this nonsense with the scavenger? What had she done to him? Was she poking around in his brain, planting feelings and thoughts that didn’t belong to him?

 

It seemed unlikely.

 

Suddenly compelled, he closed his eyes and focused on the girl. There was nothing. He couldn’t feel her.

 

_ Please _ , he thought.

 

A sudden earthy smell. He was seeing through her eyes, wandering down a corridor towards a door. It opened, and General Organa was there, smiling out at Rey. She looked old, and exhausted. He felt Rey’s sympathy.

 

His mother’s eyes were red-rimmed, with deep shadows below them.

 

The wave of guilt that washed over him severed the connection. He was only vaguely aware of the anguished cry he gave as he sank to his knees. He wasn’t strong enough. He was failing.

 

* * *

 

Rey felt the flutter of something foreign in her mind as she approached General Organa’s office, and she knew it was Kylo Ren. The feeling vanished as quickly as it came. Was he experimenting with their apparent connection? The idea of him being in her head was terrifying.

 

General Organa and Luke were both looking very serious as she sat down opposite them.

 

“We have been discussing the idea of you returning to get the intel,” General Organa began. “If it wasn’t for… Kylo Ren’s presence, it would be an easy decision.” She swallowed, and glanced at Luke.

 

“I have to go back,” Rey said.

 

“I know,” Luke replied, in a gentle tone. It wasn’t what she had expected. “There’s something we must discuss first.”

 

“He’s been inside my head,” Rey told him. She had been undecided about whether or not to tell him, but the words came out easily.

 

Luke smiled softly. “Thank you for telling me. I already know, Rey. The truth is that you have a Force bond with Kylo Ren.”

 

“A what? A bond?” She felt cold. “How can I get rid of it?”

 

“With great difficulty. The loss of the bond is painful, and unnatural. It gets harder to break the longer it is present. Often, breaking the bond drives both partners to great unhappiness and despair that never leaves. Very few have ever managed to break the bond. It normally only occurs at the moment of death.”

 

Rey couldn’t speak. She looked between the Skywalker siblings with panic. “I don’t want any sort of bond with that monster.” She ignored the nagging memory of that kiss. He was still a monster. He had done unforgivable things.

 

General Organa sighed and closed her eyes. “Rey-”

 

“I’m sorry,” she said instantly. “I know he’s your son.”

 

“You’re right,” Leia replied sadly. “He is a monster. He’s done things I don’t think anyone can forgive. Nor do I expect them to. However, there is light in him. I know you have felt it, Rey.”

 

“Does it matter if there is light in him if he spends all his time fighting against it?” Rey asked.

 

“It matters greatly, Rey,” Luke said.

 

“I’ll be honest. I’m hopeful that the fact you have bonded with him means that you are supposed to bring him back into the light.”

 

Rey had been surprised a lot in the past few weeks, but nothing had ever shocked her as much as this idea. “You want me to bring Kylo Ren back into the light?” she repeated incredulously.

 

“No. I want you to bring my son, Ben, back.” General Organa gave her a desperate look. “Rey, I wouldn’t ask if I thought there was another way.”

 

“It seems it is your destiny,” Luke said.

 

Rey frowned. “I refuse to believe that my destiny is to redeem Kylo Ren.”

 

“The bond has profound meaning. He needs you, yes- but you need him too.”

 

Leia nodded encouragingly. “There's something you need to know about him. You see-”

 

The alarms went off. Rey felt her stomach twist. There were a great many innocent people here on this base. If the First Order was here…

 

She held the lightsaber out to Luke, already knowing he would refuse it. He had told her he didn't wish to handle it again, even after returning with her. As she predicted, he shook his head.

 

“It chose you,” he said.

 

General Organa was grabbing a blaster. In the distance, they heard an explosion.

 

“Status report,” the General ordered into her comlink.

 

Poe’s voice crackled back. They heard blasters. “First Order is here, General. About two hundred, I think.”

 

“Begin evacuation,” Leia said.

 

The three of them tumbled out into the hallway, heading towards the outside exit and the sound of fighting. Rey’s heart was pounding and she tried to concentrate on not feeling afraid (“Fear is the path to the dark side,” Luke had told her) but these seemed like impossible odds. She reached out tentatively across the bond that apparently linked her and Kylo Ren but she couldn't feel him.

 

He wasn't here.

 

Bursting into the sunlight, Rey deflected a blaster bolt with the lightsaber reflexively and heard the Stormtrooper who had fire it groan as the energy pierced his armour. He tumbled and Rey had a moment to take in the carnage. The Resistance were being intercepted as they headed for the ships, many already lying dead on the ground. An X-wing was aflame.

 

A large cluster of their men were crouching behind some storage containers to their right. Rey could see Finn firing at the Stormtroopers from cover. There was a deep gash on his forehead and blood running down his face. He was weak; he didn't seem to have the strength to pull himself up properly to aim.

 

Luke ran to that group, using a powerful Force push to send the Stormtroopers nearby staggering.

 

There was a cry from behind Rey and she turned to see a Stormtrooper come out of the door they had just exited and grab the General from behind. Leia couldn't get purchase to struggle free.

 

Rey reacted without thinking- she used the Force to send both the Stormtrooper and Leia sprawling into the corridor. As she twisted free, Leia shot him in the chest and sat up shakily.

 

“I'm sorry,” Rey said, bending to offer her hand to Leia. “I just-”

 

White hot pain erupted in her shoulder and she cried out, dropping to her knees. She hadn’t been focused; she tried to centre herself now, but she couldn't concentrate on anything other than the searing blaster wound.

 

The lightsaber had toppled to the ground. 

 

She heard the General scream her name before something hard and blunt collided with the side of her face. The end of a blaster.

 

The pain was enough to make her lose her temper. Fuelled by anger, tasting her own blood, she pushed blindly with the Force. The Stormtrooper behind her flew back and she heard clearly the sickening crunch of his back breaking.

 

The world cleared again and Leia was helping her to her feet. All Rey could feel was a sense of satisfaction as she glanced back at the mangled body. Leia tugged her inside the corridor so they had some cover at the side of the door.

 

“You need medical attention,” the General said. “We have to get you out of here.”

 

“I’m fine.” The words came through gritted teeth. She wasn't fine. Her head was stinging, the pain blinding.

 

She wasn't focused, couldn't clear her head; the Stormtroopers coming up the corridor behind them were practically on top of them before she heard and reached for her lightsaber… which she had left on the ground outside.

 

Cursing inwardly, she reached for it as she had done once before, coaxing it towards her hand with the Force. She could feel it twitch, feel it respond, as she turned to face the incoming enemies.

 

Her mind exploded.

 

It was Kylo Ren. He was in her head. It wasn't subtle- she was blind, only able to see what he could see… flaming X-wings through the smeared cockpit of a stolen TIE fighter…

 

He was here.

 

Then he was out of her head, and she felt bereft. She was lying on the ground, the Stormtroopers surrounding her. Two had grabbed Leia.

 

Rey tried to scrabble to her feet but she couldn't. Her arms and legs were trembling.

 

She sent a single, desperate word across the connection she shared with her dearest enemy.

  
_ Help. _


	5. Part Five

When the stolen TIE fighter smashed down unceremoniously next to the still-raging fight, he knew he had to reach out to the girl and locate her using the Force. The situation here was absolute chaos, and there was no way he would stumble on her by accident.

 

The First Order was slowly winning, but it had been a brutal fight. Flames licked at more than one X-wing and more than a few bodies lay dead.

 

He had left his audience with Snoke with the strong feeling that his world was about to crumble. He had taken the route towards his shuttle and wondered if he was strong enough to simply get on it as instructed.

 

He wasn't.

 

Leaving his shuttle to buy more time before Snoke realised his deception, Kylo Ren stole a TIE fighter, easily got into the comms system and found where their forces were heading to take down the Resistance base.

 

In less than three minutes he was successfully travelling towards the base.

 

As he reached out he was aware that the girl was surrounded by Stormtroopers. She had left her weapon. What a little fool. She was with his mother.

 

He slipped on his helmet and climbed out. Several Stormtroopers acknowledged him in surprise but he swept past them towards the building. 

 

_ Help. _

 

Her desperate plea hit him suddenly and he felt an unfamiliar stab of concern.

 

“You!”

 

He didn't turn at the sound of the furious roar, but when he sensed the blaster energy racing towards him he deflected it with his suddenly ignited lightsaber and turned to face the seething figure of Poe Dameron. He looked terrible. His hair was dishevelled, and he had a black eye. As he glared at Kylo Ren, he raised his blaster again. 

 

It would be so easy to kill him. However, Ren needed the girl to cooperate with him long enough for them to investigate their bond. Killing her friend would only complicate matters.

 

“I am here for the girl,” he said. “To help her.”

 

Poe’s dark eyes glittered with contempt. “I won't let you near her.”

 

Kylo Ren tugged his mask off and dropped it to the ground with a heavy thud. He let his emotions dance across his features. Poe Dameron frowned, and the surprise that he felt was clearly transmitted to Ren. “Please,” Ren said, and this surprised even himself. “She's in danger.”

 

Poe nodded. A woman screamed and he ran towards the sound, leaving Ren free to continue his journey towards the girl.

 

He didn't pick the mask up.

 

As he passed her lightsaber, he bent and lifted it. A powerful thrum of power tingled his fingers even through his glove.

 

He reached the door at the same moment as Luke Skywalker.

 

They both paused, took in the changes in the other’s face. Kylo Ren still had his lightsaber ignited but he quickly disregarded the thought of attacking his former Master.

 

Luke was wearing on oddly satisfied expression.

 

The girl moaned in pain inside the corridor and they both moved forwards at the same time, side by side.

 

There were at least twenty Stormtroopers in here. General Organa was being held by two while a third attempted to restrain her wrists. She thrashed wildly. The girl was bloodied and broken at the boots of another Stormtrooper who was kicking her ribs.

 

“Stand down!” Ren ordered automatically.

 

Everything stilled for a moment. Every pair of eyes was on him, except the girl’s. She had blacked out.

 

His mother blinked. Her eyes were damp with tears. Something squirmed below his stomach and he turned his eyes deliberately from her.

 

“My lord, we have orders-” began one Stormtrooper.

 

“I'm changing them. Leave this corridor.” He sent his words with a powerful mind trick. It was exhausting to use the Force to change the minds of so many at once, but it worked. They marched out.

 

“It's only a matter of time before they realise you've betrayed Snoke,” Luke said, bending down to cradle the girl's head and check her signs.

 

“Yes,” Ren said. But he wasn't really concentrating. He was staring at General Organa, who was slowly approaching him with tears rolling freely down her cheeks.

 

She stopped before him and glanced down at his lightsaber. The lightsaber that he had killed Han Solo with. He quickly extinguished it and stared down at her.

 

“Thank you for coming.” Her voice was gentle as she looked into his eyes.

 

There was no anger. No fear. He deserved both.

 

He swallowed around a painful lump.

 

“It's good to see you, Ben,” she continued.

 

The girl groaned loudly, breaking the tension of the moment as they both turned to watch Luke tug her to her feet. There was blood all over her. She frowned as she saw Ren.

 

She met his eyes then glanced over his shoulder. They all heard the shouting of the approaching Stormtroopers. They knew. Somewhere deep inside Ren, he felt the fury of Snoke reverberate across the Force.

 

“They're coming back,” she said. She took a step towards him and crumpled to her knees.

 

Luke grabbed her shoulders and surprised them all by pushing her firmly into Kylo Ren’s grasp.

 

“You have to get her out of here. Go back through this corridor. Take the Falcon.”

 

Ren swallowed. She was limp and warm against him as he held her up. “Why?”

 

Luke smiled. “You'll know. Now go. I need to get your mother out of here.”

 

Rey moaned pitifully into his chest. Ren tightened his grip on her. “Can't we leave together?” he asked.

 

“We can't abandon our people.” Luke had taken Leia’s hand. “We shall meet again, Ben. And remember- I'm always with you.”

 

He didn't know how to feel, or what to say. For a moment he was a teenager again. His mother gave him a gentle smile and touched his face briefly.

 

“May the Force be with you,” she said softly.

 

They were gone, fleeing out into the fight. Ren forced himself to move, slipping one arm around the girl's waist so he could drag her along.

 

She was half-conscious, stumbling along. As they burst into the quiet sunlight at the back of the building he saw the Falcon.

 

“We're getting out of here,” he whispered to the girl.

 

She chose that moment to lose consciousness again, falling heavily to the ground.

 

“Damn it, scavenger,” he sighed, lifting her.


	6. Part Six

Kylo Ren would later muse- somewhat sardonically- that this was turning into quite a strange morning.

He had carried the girl bridal-style in his arms onto the Falcon; he was hit by vivid flashbacks of the last time he had done such a thing. Glancing down at her mangled body, he felt a bit like Death cradling his latest victim. The image invoked a somewhat painful irony.

He had placed her gently in the co-pilot’s chair and looked at her for a long moment. What the hell was Skywalker playing at? There was no logic behind a decision to give the girl to Kylo Ren. He had captured her, tortured her and at one point had a damn good attempt at killing her. Yet for some reason he was now trusted as her caregiver.

He felt angry on her behalf, and knew he was being ridiculous.

He reached out tentatively with the Force, probing her mind, but it was silent. She was completely unconscious.

Feeling awkward, he had touched her soft hair briefly before settling down and taking off.

He could take her to Snoke. Nobody even chased them. He could arrive back at the Supreme Leader’s base, clutching the girl as his prize. Despite ignoring the instructions he had been given, he was confident he could talk his way out of trouble and even paint as this as a victory. They had this Force bond now- he would be given the responsibility of overseeing her training.

The only issue would be talking her into it.

She wasn’t all light- he had tasted anger, fear and fury in her. And he had tasted her kiss. However, he didn’t think he could bring her over the darkness. It was a constant battle not to give into her light.

He pictured his mother’s face.

If he was going to bring her over, it would be in his own way.

Being on this ship was making him feel uncomfortable. As they stretched into the blue of hyperspace, he took a deep breath and inhaled the still-familiar scent of the cockpit. He had briefly been back aboard the Millennium Falcon back at Starkiller, and that had been bad enough, but now sitting here in the silence, he felt broken.

For a second, he was a small boy with an unruly mop of dark hair, sitting on his father’s knee in this same chair.

His cheeks were wet, and he reached up with shaking fingers to brush away a tear.

_ Come home. We miss you. _

He had thought that killing his father would solve everything, would finally seal off his connection to the light side of the Force.

It was still there, that pull.

He shook his head, trying to focus. He needed to land somewhere safe so he could concentrate on checking the scavenger’s wounds.

* * *

 

Rey cried out as she woke up. Her ribs were stinging. Her mouth was swollen and sore. Her shoulder throbbed.

But she was alive.

She sat up slowly, looking around the Falcon. It was empty and still. She was almost naked from the waist up, the wrappings around her chest the only things remaining from her outfit. Her ribs were bruised- dark purple spots glared lividly from her white skin. The blaster wound to her shoulder had left a nasty pink patch of shiny, raw skin. Someone had rubbed something medicinal into the wound.

Who had done this? How had she got here?

Her memories were a haze, but she remembered feeling something soothing during her beating on the floor.

The presence of Kylo Ren.

She was actually losing her grip on reality.

Luke had gathered her up when she had stumbled… and given her to Ren.

She felt a surge of anger. Why had he done this? Surely he wasn’t foolish enough to trust the man who had murdered his own father?

Suddenly, she needed air. She staggered to her feet, wincing at her stinging ribs and the cool floor beneath her bare feet. She briefly considered redressing, but there was no point- her enemy had already seen her battered body.

Stepping outside was a new and wonderful experience. She had never been cold in the daytime before, but it was freezing. A bright white sun glared down from a clear grey sky. A delighted shiver ran through her as she watched the white flakes cascade gently down to add to the crisp white blanket on the ground.

Snow.

She stood still for a moment, enjoying it, before glancing down at Kylo Ren, who was sat in the snow by the entrance to the Falcon.

He was hugging his knees, sitting perfectly still. His hood was up, framing his sharp white features, which were drawn with pain. Even as she sat down in the cold, surprisingly wet snow, he did not turn to acknowledge her.

She had sat far enough to be out of arm’s reach of him, but she didn’t feel any threat from him. His lightsaber was on the ground at his feet. She had dropped hers during the fight, and had no idea where her staff was. If he decided to turn on her, she was in trouble.

Mimicking his position, she wrapped her arms around her knees. It really was freezing. She tried to focus, to clear her mind, but it seemed to be something she couldn’t quite grasp.

Instead, she looked at Kylo Ren. There were pink rings around his eyes. He had been crying recently.

Gingerly, she reached out across their connection, and she felt that she collided with his block with an almost physical pain.

“Don’t,” he said quietly.

She pitied him. She found the feeling disconcerting. Trembling against the cold, she wrapped her arms more tightly around her legs. Goosebumps erupted on her skin.

“Thank you for tending to my wounds,” she said softly.

He glanced at her then, frowned as he saw her sitting frozen. “You little fool,” he murmured, reaching up to unfasten the outer robe he wore. He flicked it off smoothly, and leaned over quickly, wrapping it around her before she could even think about pushing him away. He pulled the hood up around her face before returning to his original position.

She tried not to nestle into the surprisingly soft folds, tried to fight the desperate urge to breathe in his scent. It was spicy and warm, and strangely comforting.

Silence fell. It was hard not to stare at him. She had always been startled by how young he was, but now he looked no older than her. Just as confused and lost.

“I’ve never seen snow before,” she said, then immediately felt ridiculous.

She felt him in her brain. It was gentle, probing, and not unpleasant.

“You’ve tasted it before,” he replied finally.

He had put an image in her brain. They both watched their kiss again, and she felt the hairs stand up on her the back of her neck as she remembered thinking he tasted of snow. She poked her tongue out and a flake landed upon it. Not unpleasant, but not as nice as his kiss.

She didn’t hide these thoughts from him, and he frowned.

“Why?” he asked. It had been the first thing he had asked after the kiss.

“I just felt like I had to.” She turned away from him. The smooth white surface of the snow stretched to the horizon.

“If seducing me is your strategy to bring me to the light side, it won’t work,” he said seriously. She could feel his eyes burning into her.

She laughed despite herself. “Seduce you? I’m a scavenger, you said it yourself. I’m hardly in the business of seduction.” A pause. “I don’t think I’d know how.”

He sent her another image. Her face, blazing up at him, damp with sweat, eyes sparkling as she lunged at him.  _ You know perfectly well how.  _ His voice in her head was clearer than it had ever been.

“Are you angry with me?” she asked incredulously. “Because we kissed?”

“You’ve done something to me,” he snapped. “Everything has changed since you.”

“I think it’s just a coincidence.”

He was on her in less than a second, one hand on each shoulder, kneeling over her. His eyes were flint. “No, you don’t.”

She stared up at him. He wasn’t handsome like any other man she had found attractive; his features were narrow, and right now, filled with rage. His inky hair framed his face in soft waves. The fingers digging into the curves of her shoulders were not gentle.

_ I want to kiss you _ . For a moment she didn’t realise the thought was her own. She had transmitted it to him like a beacon.

He blinked, eyes trailing down to her parted lips, then rising. He moved back. “I told you- that won’t work, girl.”

Stung, she glared back at him. “My name is Rey.”

He lifted his lightsaber in his gloved fingers. It wasn’t intended to be threatening; he wanted to distract himself from looking at her. “I’m aware of that, scavenger.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who has read, commented, reviewed, subscribed and generally put up with my nonsense.  
> I'm on Tumblr at glittern0va (glyphsbowtie just for writing) so feel free to say hi over there :)


	7. Part Seven

“You're freezing,” he said after a few silent minutes had passed. He glanced over at her, huddled in the dark material he had draped around her. There was something painfully appealing about seeing her in his things.

“What do you care?” she snapped back, then frowned at her own words. Through the bond, he felt her chide herself for her petulance.

“It's incredibly obvious that I do care.” The words surprised him; he wasn't used to being straightforward and honest. The girl was rubbing off on him. She stared at him, suspicious and guarded, but it was true. He could have killed her on more than one occasion, but there was something painful in the thought. And that wasn't the only evidence. “May I remind you that I have managed to betray the First Order and Supreme Leader Snoke today?”

She actually scoffed at him, making him flare in anger. “How do I know that? You could be planning on taking me back to him after you've persuaded me to follow you to the dark side.”

He had already considered that option, and abandoned it, but her assessment made him glare at her. “If you think I'm some monster, why do you keep thinking about kissing me?”

She was just close enough to touch; if he had reached out his fingers he could have trailed the tips of them around her jaw. She was pink now, and not just from the cold.

“You're passably attractive. It doesn't mean I've forgotten what you are,” she retorted spitefully.

The words stung him. He wasn't sure which part made him bristle and move closer to her, so that her glowing face filled his frame of vision. She blinked up at him, and he could taste her fear. “Passably attractive?” he whispered, an eyebrow raised.

She laughed. “I don’t believe this. Little Ben Solo, worrying about the opinion of some scavenger girl-”

He kissed her. It was fierce and angry, desperate and brutal. It was filled with many things he didn’t understand. She cried out against his mouth but didn’t resist; she kissed him back with just as much intensity. Despite the freezing climate, her mouth was burning. Her small fingers tangled in his hair to tug him closer to her.

When their mouths came apart, he stayed very close, breathing heavily against her lips. She held his gaze steadily, her eyes wide and wary.

“Don’t call me that,” he said, and his voice was husky.

“What is happening to us?” she asked. “What are we going to do?”

He wanted to bed her, there in the snow, strip her off and take her. He fought hard to hide that idea from her, and instead stood up, tugging her to her feet.

“We’re going to discuss this inside,” he said. “It’s cold, and you’re freezing.”

Back inside, he sat down in the pilot’s chair, glad for the small amount of warmth currently in the cockpit. Although his robe was still damp, she folded herself up in the co-pilot’s chair with it wrapped firmly around her. She was frowning slightly, and he brushed her mind carefully to discover that was desperately trying to connect with Luke.

He pitied her. She was trapped alone with her enemy, a man who had killed his own father. She had been abandoned by her supposed Jedi Master. She was wrestling with her feelings of attraction towards her captor. No wonder she was looking so serious.

“Don’t flatter yourself,” she snapped. “You aren’t my captor. Even without my lightsaber, I think I’d have a good chance of killing you.”

She had read his mind without him noticing. He quirked his eyebrows. “My, my, scavenger. I’m quite sure that the light side of the Force doesn’t approve of such threats.”

Her eyes blazed into his.

“You know what a Force bond means between us, don’t you?” he asked.

“A nosy, brooding man poking about in my mind constantly?” she replied sweetly.

“Force bonds are common between Jedi Masters and their Padawans.”

She glared at him, horror radiating from her. “You’re no Jedi.”

“And you are no Padawan, are you? Master Luke doesn’t trust you, does he?” Kylo Ren had taken the information from her. He felt no guilt at using it against her. “I’ve felt your disappointment. I promise you there would be no disappointment were I to be your teacher.”

“Shut up,” she snapped.

“I could show you the ways of the Force- I would make sure that-”

“I said shut up!” She was on her feet, and he could feel power coming from her in waves that made the air thick. Her fists were clenched. She looked wild, and for a moment he was afraid of her. “Don’t you dare think I’ve forgotten what you are, you vile monster. I might have kissed you- twice- but that doesn’t mean I like you. It certainly doesn’t mean I trust you. Just because you have apparently betrayed the monster you work for… it doesn’t change what you’ve done.”

She threw the image at him: she was looking down at the bridge, and he was there, facing down Han Solo. He saw his own tears, his own weakness, before he murdered his own father. He felt the pain that ripped her apart in that moment.

“Don’t think I’ve forgotten,” she repeated, and there were tears in her eyes.

He took a deep breath. His fingers were shaking. “Don’t think I have either.”

“We are going to find out how to break this bond between us,” she spat at him, turning away and heading to the door. “I don’t care what it takes. I don’t care how much it hurts.”

He couldn’t let her go like this. “Rey,” he said.

* * *

 

“Rey.”

She had been determined to get away from him, away from the suffocating presence of him. He had inspired anger within her again. She was furious with herself. How could she keep kissing the man she had watched murder Han Solo? The man who had murdered countless others? They had to break this bond.

But she froze at the tender sound of her own name coming from him.

She turned back to him, and gasped in surprise. He was holding her lightsaber out to her, cradling it in one gloved hand. She looked from it up into his face, but there was no malice there. His eyes looked wet.

“I picked it up for you,” he said.

“You want to give me a weapon when I’m furious with you?”

“You want to break the bond.” He swallowed, and the motion was clearly visible in his long, elegant throat. “You could kill me.”

She tried to search his mind, but it was blocked. Stepping forward, she reached out for the lightsaber, wrapping her fingers around it. He did not resist as she took it from him. There was no movement from him at all; no fingers twitching for his own lightsaber, no attempt to intimidate her with his sheer size. He merely sat still, looking up at her with the sad expression she was beginning to realise he wore most of the time.

“You could kill me,” he repeated gently. “Think of what I’ve done.”

This time it was him who pushed the image of his father’s murder back into her own mind. He followed it with the searing sound of him cutting into Finn. Then the pain she had felt as he had flung her against the tree.

There were new images- things she hadn’t been present for. Poe Dameron’s screams as Ren tortured him. A village burning.

The lightsaber was ignited, her hands steady. She was glaring down at him. This man deserved to die. He was a monster.

She could do it. She had the power to deliver justice.

“It isn’t the Jedi way, but it feels good, doesn’t it?” he murmured softly.

He was right. He was right and it infuriated her. With a livid scream, she threw her lightsaber across the cockpit, causing a shower of sparks. He merely blinked up at her. In that moment, she hated him. And she hated herself.

“Hatred is the path to the dark side, dearest,” he said, standing up.

“Do you wish to die? Is that it?”

The question surprised him. He glanced away from her. His eyes were clouded. Then he turned back to her. “Let me be your teacher.”

“You’re not a Jedi.”   


“Nor are you,” he said. “I think that’s obvious to both of us.”


	8. Part Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay and slightly shorter chapter! I've been unwell for a few days.

In the padded alcove that was used as a bed aboard the ship, Rey curled herself into a tiny ball and allowed herself to cry. She had strict rules for herself about such things, but this seemed like an appropriate time.

Kylo Ren had let her go and she was relieved to have some time out of his oppressive presence.

He was right. She wasn’t a Jedi. She wanted to do the right thing, but she was angry and prone to darkness. The Force bond suggested that there was merit in pursuing training with Kylo Ren, but she knew that if she started, she would be closing off any hope of becoming a Jedi.

She had never wanted any of this.

She thought of Leia telling her that it was her destiny to bring Ben Solo back into the light, but that was clearly nonsense. He was irredeemable. He was evil.

The images he had shown her had made that obvious to her.

She had let him kiss her. No, worse- she had wanted him to kiss her.

And she still wanted it.

The way he looked at her, with those melting eyes, made her chest tight. He looked at her as if she mattered; in fact, he looked at her as if she mattered most in the world. It wasn’t how he felt, of course, but in those brief moments she could pretend. She stopped being a scavenger and became a different woman, one who was worthy of the attention of an undeniably important man.

Eventually, she fell into uneasy sleep.

_ It was a clear, cool night on Jakku. Rey was lying on her back, looking up at the stars, one arm propped behind her head. She was content, and happy. Behind her, the lights inside her makeshift home glowed comfortingly. This place had never been supposed to be her home for life, but she had carved out this small, safe corner of it. _

_ She heard his robes rustling behind her before she even sensed his presence. _

_ “I like this dream,” she said irritably, without turning around. “Go away, please.” _

_ He didn't reply. She could hear him moving around. _

_ “What are you doing?” she demanded. _

_ “Is this where you live?” he asked. “Inside an AT-AT?” _

_ She didn't like his judgemental tone. “I know it must not seem like much to the son of a princess.” _

_ “I don't want to talk about that.” _

_ She rolled her eyes. “Get out of here, please. I need some time away from you.” _

_ Then he was gone, and she was left with calm silence and a vaguely shocked feeling that he had done as she’d asked. _

* * *

 

He stood looking over her as she slept; she had requested that he leave her dream and he had done so, but he had the strange feeling that nothing in the galaxy would make him leave her side while she slumbered, vulnerable and still injured.

He still wasn't sure what she had done to him. He needed to free himself from her hold over him.

Her feelings seemed genuine, but surely they couldn't be. He wanted to push her away. Wanted to make her accept the hideous, horrible truth about himself.

He was evil. Irredeemably so.

Yet had he not felt the pull of the light side? Had he not resisted it every time he glanced at the scavenger?

He needed advice, but who was there to ask? Snoke would quite literally kill him for this. And not pleasantly. Apparently the Force bond with Luke hadn't died when he murdered the other apprentices so long ago, but admitting that he needed help to Luke was a notion not even worthy of consideration.

He sensed a man and a child approaching the ship, and this startled him out of his thoughts.

“Wake up, girl,” he murmured, his voice uncharacteristically soft as he shook her shoulder.

She blinked up at him with bleary, confused eyes. He saw her tense for a fight before she remembered their current uneasy partnership. “What is it?”

“A man and a child approach the ship.”

“Don't kill them,” she instructed simply.

Her words cut him deep, but he knew that her opinion was certainly justified. He only killed people he had to. He had never taken pleasure in it.

“I have an idea,” she said.

She stood up, faced him. He could see her racing pulse in the slender column of her throat. Then she kissed him. This time was different: it was wild and raw. One hand raked through his hair, the other tugged at his tunic and belt insistently. She had pulled him flush against her, and he slipped his hands beneath his robe, which was still wrapped around her, relishing the soft skin at the curve of her spine.

As soon as it began, it was over, and his mind was a blur as she moved back.

“We claim to be recently wed and taking some time to travel and celebrate. They won't doubt it- you look as though you’ve been thoroughly ravished.” The words were calm and businesslike as she stepped back to admire her handiwork.

He glared at her. Surely she could see that he was hard beneath his trousers. He was desperate for her.

He was going to get her back for this.

He threw his arm around her shoulder and led her out to meet the old man and the child who had appeared. They were well wrapped up against the cold.

“Can we help you?” Ren called, pinning the scavenger to his side in a gesture that was hopefully appearing as tender.

“We came to ask you the same thing,” the old man said. “Awful cold evening to be sleeping in there. We got a small inn not far from here. Be happy to have you stay there.”

“Thank you. My name is Ben Organa, and this is my wife Rey.” The words came out easily but they stuck to his throat after.

“I'm Delan, and this is my grandson. Follow us, please.”

They obediently followed, not wanting to draw attention by refusing the kind offer.

“Wait until we get there,” Ren breathed in her ear. “I'm going to show you what thoroughly ravished looks like, girl.”


	9. Part Nine

The snowy little village was charming. Despite the hour growing late, lots of rosy faces greeted them as they were led by Delan. It was homely and cosy. The inn Delan led them to was built into the side of a small geothermal mountain and as they stepped inside a pleasant wave of warmth enveloped them.

“Well, hello there,” greeted the plump human woman behind the counter. “Are you the passengers from that freighter? I was ever so worried about you- wasn't sure if you'd crashed or not.”

“No crash,” Kylo Ren said. His tone was friendly. He still had his arm around Rey, in a gesture that was supposed to make their tale believable.

Trapped under his arm, Rey had mostly been focused on how much taller than her he was. She had always known he was broad but the arm felt muscled and scarily strong. The feeling of it, combined with his strange threat about ravishment before they left, was making her feel quite uncomfortable.

“I'm Ben Organa,” he continued, offering the woman his free hand. “And this is my new wife, Rey.”

“I'm Dekstra,” the woman smiled, shaking both their hands. “I can offer you a room near the natural hot springs, if you want to take a dip.”

“Yes, please,” Rey said breathlessly, and the enthusiasm in her voice made Ren look down at her with a strange expression. She didn't care. Growing up on a desert planet had made the idea of having enough water to luxuriate in a beautiful fantasy.

They were sent down a long, quiet corridor. Rey was very aware of the fact that she was suddenly alone with her enemy again.

So was he. He stopped suddenly and pushed her firmly against the wall. His eyes burned down into hers for a long moment and she wondered what she’d done wrong.

His lips met hers with a sudden violent pressure, need and desperation evident in his actions.  _ He wanted her.  _ The knowledge gave Rey a surge of power that had nothing to do with the Force. Tentatively, she rocked her hips up to grind against him. He growled into her mouth and grasped her hips with huge hands, holding them still.

“Bedroom,” he mumbled against her mouth. “Now.”

They sprawled into their room, still attached, mouths working furiously, hands tearing at clothing. It was rough but certainly not unpleasant, and Rey felt as though every nerve ending was aflame. The robe he had wrapped her in fell abandoned to the ground, then his gloves were torn off by his own teeth before he loosened her chest wrap and revealed her breasts to the warm air.

She saw him swallow, then suddenly he lifted her and she was lowered onto the soft blankets of the bed. He knelt above her, still dressed, hair framing his sinful features as he consumed her with his eyes.

She felt beautiful and desirable. She had never felt like this before. In fact, she had never-

“You've never been with a man?” He had plucked the information from her brain and was now leaning back slightly against his heels, a darker expression on his face. “You should have said.”

“Why?” She felt defensive at his sudden change of mood, and reached up to cover her chest with her arms. She was embarrassed and rejected. Silly little virgin Rey trying to seduce Lord Kylo Ren. Ridiculous. “It's not your business anyway.”

“No,” he replied gently. His eyes were achingly soft as he looked down at her. “It's not.”

“We still could have- it doesn't matter to me-”

“Rey,” he interrupted, startling her with the way her name sounded tumbling out of his lips, as if it was something incredibly precious. “It does matter. Someone once told me that the first time should be with… Well, it should be with someone you care about.”

The man above her had never been more clearly Ben Solo than in that moment. She hid this thought.

She opted for humour, a soft, awkward smile twisting her face. “In the absence of someone I care about, someone who I fantasise about killing three or four times a day will suffice.”

“Why?” he asked. He looked broken, vulnerable, as if it was him who was at a disadvantage here. It was what he had asked after they kissed.

He didn’t think he was good enough for her.

She rose to her own knees and kissed him. He held her this time as if she were the most fragile thing he had ever known, hands still and gentle on her hips. She allowed herself to explore his jawline with her fingers, then her lips. He didn’t move.

“Please,” she whispered against his throat. “I need a teacher, remember?”

He lifted her chin with his hand and looked into her face. His eyes were burning. “If we do this… I will try to do the right thing by you. You can trust me.”

How ridiculous. She reached out with the Force along their bond. His mind was absolutely open to her. She could spend hours exploring his memories and right now, he would let her.

Memories didn’t matter now.

She kissed him again. It wasn’t long before clothes began to be removed again, this time slowly, gently. He lay her back down and kissed his way down over her breasts, licking her erect nipples and making her moan.

He continued his journey down, mouth hot and firm on her stomach, until it reached the apex between her legs. His tongue was teasing, burning, and she tangled her fingers in his long hair, holding him firmly there.

“Please…” she cried out. She didn’t know what she wanted exactly, but she knew she really wanted it.

“Patience, Rey,” he whispered against her.

A wave of unimaginable, undescribable ecstasy washed over her. She let out a strangled scream and closed her eyes.

When she opened them, he was stroking her hair, looking down softly at her.

“You look beautiful,” he said, and it was so strange, so tender, that she felt a warm rush of emotion towards him.

She trailed her fingers down his muscled torso appreciatively. “There’s more, isn’t there?”

“Yes, but we don’t have to-”

“I want to. Please.”

“If you’re sure,” he said.

He positioned himself above her and slowly eased himself inside her. It felt strange and a little painful, and she covered her mouth with her hand to muffle her yell. He froze immediately.

“I’m sorry- I’ve never-” he began, clearly mortified, attempting to remove himself from her.

She held him still. “It’s okay. It’ll be fine. Just… slowly, I think.”

He kissed her forehead. Very slowly, he began moving again, sliding fully inside her. As she relaxed, the feeling changed into quite an enjoyable one. She bucked her hips and was rewarded with a wave of pleasure.

They fell into a comfortable, easy rhythm. She held onto his broad shoulders. Everything else was forgotten. There was just the two of them, alone in the galaxy, sharing this precious moment. What he had done, who he was… These things had ceased to exist. He was hers for this act, and that was enough.

He reached down with his long fingers and touched her, and she was startled when the blinding pleasure of earlier occurred again, making her scream and wrap her legs around him desperately. As she rode the waves of orgasm, he let out a strangled groan and finished inside her.

Eventually, he pulled out and lay beside her. He stroked her hair.

Rey wanted to feel a great many things. Guilt, regret… she could feel them tiptoeing around the edge of her consciousness.

But instead she fell asleep.

* * *

 

Kylo Ren watched the scavenger sleep. Something profound had happened to him since he had met her, and it had culminated in this. The girl was his. And he would keep her, protect her, teach her... no matter what.


	10. Part Ten

When Rey woke up, she felt sore and strange in places she had never really thought about before. She blinked sleepily, the pieces of the evening before starting to slot into place in her mind. There was a heavy arm wrapped around her waist, and her back was pressed into a muscled, masculine torso.

Kylo Ren.

They had slept together. She had given him her virginity.

She was clearly losing her mind. Her heart began to race and she felt sick. This was ridiculous. He represented everything-  _ everything _ \- she should want to fix in the galaxy.

There was light in him. For all he fought against it, pushed and rebelled and battled to repress it, sometimes the light from him was almost blinding. It wasn't enough to undo what he had done. It would never be enough. But he could be better. He could atone.

He wanted to bring her into the darkness. But what if their bond meant something else? What if his mother was right?

It still didn't excuse her. Why had she slept with him? What was it about him that made her so weak? It wasn't just lust- although she longed for him, and denying that was pointless. Somewhere along the way, a seed of emotion had been planted within her and it was blooming into something huge and nameless.

She couldn't allow such a thing. Not with Kylo Ren.

She should flee. Grab her things, head back to the Falcon and fly away.

“You know I'd find you,” he rumbled in her ear, startling her. She tried to wriggle away but he held her tighter. “My scavenger, you know there isn't a place in the galaxy you could hide from me.”

His words chilled her, and she believed them. “I wouldn't hide from you.”

“Because you fear me? Fear my wrath?”

She shook her head. Her eyes were wet with tears. “Because I don't want to be away from you,” she admitted quietly.

He sighed. He rolled her over gently, so they were facing each other. Stroking her hair, he looked at her miserable face. “Would you still break our bond?” he asked.

“In a heartbeat,” she said without hesitation. “I feel out of control. I feel things for you that I wouldn't if not for the bond.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Is that what you believe?”

She shrugged. “I believe that we must see this thing out. A destiny has been mapped out for us. After that, I will sever this bond.”

He frowned. “I don't want it to be severed. Ever since we first felt it, it has been growing in intensity and power. We need each other.” His voice was soft. “I need you, Rey.”

“I'm afraid,” she admitted. A tear had broken free and was trailing down her cheek.

He reached up and brushed it away with his thumb. “I won't hurt you.”

“You'll try not to.”

“I won't leave you.”

“Nor will you allow me to leave.”

He stroked her cheek. “Can't you see that you belong with me? I don't know what I've done to deserve it but the Force has put us together, given you to me.”

“I'm no possession.”

“I'm saying it wrong.” He pushed an emotion along their connection, and it was something pure and beautiful. She supposed it was his intention to make her feel better. But it was more frightening.

“I've been alone my whole life. I'm not good at this sort of thing. Not with anyone. Least of all with my mortal enemy.”

“You know we aren't enemies.” He kissed her forehead. “Truthfully, I'm not good at this sort of thing either.”

Stubble was starting to form on his pale face. It was dark, and as she dragged her fingers through it, she discovered it was coarse. She let out a hum of appreciation.

“I’ll grow it out if you stay with me. Grow a huge beard if you want.”

She laughed. Was this the first time he had told her a joke, deliberately tried to make her smile? “Would you get a haircut?”

“I’d shave myself bald.”

Her smile faded a little. “Would you give up the First Order?”

“I already gave them up for you,” he replied softly.

She swallowed. “What about the dark side of the Force?”

It seemed like a ridiculous thing to bring up, here while they were safely tucked up in soft blankets, both naked and glowing from what had taken place last night. With his ruffled hair and sleepy eyes, Kylo Ren looked about as far removed from the sinister dark lord she had been presented with in that interrogation room as she could imagine.

“I feel the allure of the light side,” he replied honestly. “The pull towards it. There is light in me… but I’m not sure I wish to return.”

“Why did you…?” She didn’t finish the question. She knew already, from pieces of dialogue that she’d put together, the circumstances surrounding Ben Solo’s spectacular fall from grace. But still… she was curious.

“Snoke identified me as the candidate he wanted when I was an apprentice.” He pushed an image of himself to her. He was about fifteen, hair even longer than it was now, with a small beard. He was sitting against a wall with his arms wrapped around his knees, staring out with angry eyes. She pitied the boy. “He… he forced a connection with me. It was painful. Confusing. He convinced me that I should join him, that he would be a better teacher than Skywalker. That he alone could help me to live up to my family’s destiny.”

The words had the hollow sting of indoctrination.

Kylo Ren blinked. His eyes were wet. “Traditionally, there are only two Sith. One teacher, one apprentice. You can guess why. He wanted to do it that way, although we aren't... we weren't Sith. He would take me on as his apprentice, as long as I…”

“You regret it.” She wanted the words to be true more than she believed them.

He rolled onto his back. “It doesn’t matter now, does it? Since then, I’ve done terrible things. I keep doing terrible things. The ends justify the means. That’s how Snoke has made me feel. But sometimes I wonder…”

“Come back to the light,” she whispered. “You can, I know you can.”

“I can’t.” There was a finality to his words.

She wanted to comfort him, but she wasn’t sure how. Lying there, eyes shut and tears trailing down pale cheeks, he was little more than the boy he had shown her before. He was lost and confused, a pawn in a game he hadn’t chosen. Except now the boy could do terrible things, had the blood of so many people on his hands that they would never be clean.

“You said Snoke forced a connection,” she said eventually. “Is it like ours?”

“No. With you it is simply an extension of my own mind, as natural as breathing. With Snoke, it is invasive and painful.”

“Can he use it to find us?”

“I don’t think so.” Kylo Ren gave her a humourless smile. “I have had many years to practice closing the connection.”   


“We need a plan,” she said.

“We do. However, I am content to remain here a while longer.” He kissed her forehead.

“Very well,” she sighed. “We can return to trying to murder each other in an hour or two.”


	11. Part Eleven

If Rey was absolutely honest with herself, the next eighteen days were probably the best eighteen days of her life.

During the day, Kylo Ren would teach her. They snuck off into the mountain, away from any prying eyes, and spent their time sparring, meditating or moving objects with the Force. There was nothing overtly dark in what he taught her- in fact, she felt a great peacefulness descend on her when they meditated together. Their sparring styles were incredibly different. Ren was all heavy weight and startling blows; although he had flair, a knack for twirling his lightsaber and for showmanship, there was a lack of art in his motions. Rey was his opposite- light, quick, and complicated. She lacked grace, but years practicing with her staff had rendered her lethal.

As they sat meditating, the bond between them grew and strengthened.

The evenings were something else. Ren had bought her a collection of gorgeous dresses from a little shop in the village, and he would wear smart, crisp dark clothes while she hung to his arm, resplendent in beautiful colours and fabrics. They were still masquerading as the Organas.

He would kiss her hand as they sat at dinner in the inn, charm her and woo her with soft smiles.

It was easy to slip into believing this was real. Too easy. The man who sat opposite Rey, the man with the surprisingly quirky grin and easy laugh, was not the man she had fought in the forest that day. The man who was quickly learning how to make her tremble and moan with his touches was not the same man who had interrogated her.

But it wasn’t real, was it? For Kylo Ren, emotions and sentiments were to be avoided, an unacceptable allure to the light side. Rey represented that more clearly than any woman could- a Jedi in training, albeit a poor one at the moment.

But he didn’t have to be so tender. They could have carried out their act in front of the other villagers and slept in separate beds, not touching, not tangling together in the blankets. And it wasn’t like it was just sex- he held her afterwards, stroking her hair, telling her she was beautiful.

And Rey was powerless against it.

“A dance by the newlyweds?” Delan cried out one night. The inn was quiet: only the fake couple and five other people sat drinking in the bar.

Rey coloured. “No, we couldn’t-”   
  


“Of course,” Ren said, leaping to his feet and taking a reluctant Rey by the hand.

“I don’t know how to dance,” she muttered as they crossed to the dancefloor.

As slow music thrummed through the room, Ren placed her hands gently on his shoulders and placed his own on her waist. “Trust me,” he whispered. “I used to love to dance.”

A strange confession from one of the darkest people in the galaxy. She laughed up at him but allowed him to sway her in time to the beat. He was strong and firm, and despite her uncertainty, if she followed his lead she found that she could keep up.

“Remember that, dearest,” he whispered to her. All eyes in the room were on them.

She was falling in love with him. The realisation hit her like a blaster in the face as he dipped her elegantly. She stumbled, losing her footing. This couldn’t happen. He steadied her seamlessly, and disguised the misstep by bending down and kissing her full on the mouth. She kissed him back as the other people in the room clapped.

“How lovely, Ben!” cried Dekstra, who was beaming out at them from behind the bar.

“Rey and I will retire now,” Kylo Ren announced.

He took her hand and they walked in silence back to their room. Her heart was thundering with her realisation. She knew he had felt the thought, knew he didn’t know what to say about it. He was silent, almost grim at her side.

He would refuse to be her teacher now. She should be glad, really. She would be free to go and find Luke.

What a mess.

* * *

 

When they reached their room, he watched Rey cross to the window and stare out into the snow. She was especially beautiful tonight, dressed in a simple green gown which was open at the back, revealing the delicate curve of her spine. She wasn’t particularly skilled at her dressing her hair, so it was curled into an elegant knot at the base of her neck. A few tendrils had fallen free, framing her face.

She was the most lovely thing he had ever known.

He knew what troubled her. As they had danced, he had felt a realisation bloom within himself. He was falling in love with her. She had sensed his feeling and withdrawn from him.

Who could blame her really?

If he was still Ben Solo, he probably would be quite a catch by this stage of his life. He’d be an accomplished Jedi. The descendant of some powerful, influential people. He might deserve a woman like Rey.

Kylo Ren didn’t.

That said, he wanted her. And he wasn’t selfless enough to not fight for it.

But he shouldn’t. He knew the reasons why sentiment was so strongly frowned upon by Snoke. It was simply a weakness he couldn’t afford. A weakness nobody could afford. It was why the Empire had fallen, why ultimately even his grandfather had failed.

He had already indulged his emotions far too much. After all, was sentiment alone not the reason he was here now?

Love- if that was what this was becoming- was the strongest emotion of all.

He was weak. He was foolish. He had tried more than once to sever this part of himself, cast it aside and leave it dying in the shadows behind his greatness. But he had failed. His desire to rid himself of sentiment had led to his murder of his father, the removal of the greatest attachment he was capable of bearing. It should have made him stronger. Since then, he had been more conflicted than ever.

The girl had been a weakness ever since he first saw her. He could see that now. What had began as a fascination, a curiosity, had developed into what he felt now.

He had betrayed Snoke. He had given up the First Order. There was no way he could return. But that certainly did not mean that he wanted to give up finishing what Vader had started. He wanted power. He wanted to bring order to the galaxy.

Rey had done nothing but complicate that. And the weakest thing he could do was to fall for her.

He sat down on the bed, crossed his hands before him and stared at her back. “Rey, please talk to me.”

“There’s nothing to say.” Her voice was high-pitched, unnatural. “We don’t need to discuss it. If you don’t feel like you can be my teacher, I’ll accept that.”

He reached up to push his hair back, confused and agitated. “I don’t feel that. You know how much I wanted to be your teacher, even before all this.”

“It’s different now.”

He didn’t really understand her. She had allowed him to kiss her, hold her, make her laugh. She had taken him to bed every night since the first night. It was understandable if she didn’t want love as such, but it seemed like a natural progression to him.

“I didn’t mean for you to hear that thought,” he said gently. “I can’t always control what I project into you.”

She stiffened. She turned her head so her brown eyes were blazing over her shoulder at him. “What are you talking about?”

He raised an eyebrow. “Rey, please, you know this isn’t easy-”

“I’m confused,” she said. “What thought?”

He ran his fingers over his face irritably. “Don’t make me say it aloud, please.”

She was stalking towards him now. Perhaps she was going to attack him. She didn’t look happy. “I thought you had heard one of my thoughts. I don’t think I heard one of yours.”

He frowned, and then he understood. He stood up as she reached him and covered her shoulders with his hands- in some ways, an affectionate gesture, but also because he wasn’t convinced she wasn’t about to attack him. “Rey. Dearest, do you know what this means?”

She was tense, unsure. The look she was giving him was pure poison. “No, but you better tell me.”

“We had the same thought. The same feeling.” Ultimately, this was not something to celebrate. The rational part of him knew this. A one-sided love would at least be easier to manage, to sever. It wouldn’t take over. If she felt the same, however, that was more complicated. And yet… and yet he was smiling.

She felt afraid, terrified, at what this meant. He could feel it clearly. She tried to take a step back. “We can’t do this-” she said.

“Don’t be afraid. I feel it too.”

She stilled and looked up at him. “This isn’t right.”

“We don’t have to talk about it,” he soothed. “It’s enough to just know.”

She was falling for him. This powerful, beautiful, clever creature was falling in love with him. Despite everything he had done. Everything he was.

And he needed her.

She still looked bereft.

“Please, Rey, don’t pull away from me,” he said.

Finally, Rey nodded. “I won’t,” she whispered.

He kissed her. She didn’t hesitate in kissing him back, arching against him, clutching at the crisp fabric of his tunic. She tasted of the wine she had been drinking, rich and intoxicating.

His fingers tugged at her hair and it spilled down around her shoulders, soft and glorious. Another few seconds and he had unknotted her dress, which pooled around her feet in a silky green puddle. She was absolutely naked beneath it, and he experienced the strange thrill that comes from being fully clothed in the presence of an entirely naked lover.

His hands began to wander, cupping her breasts. She whimpered into his mouth.

He lifted her and placed her on their bed, looking down at her for a long moment. His scavenger was perfectly formed; her sun-kissed skin glowed gold, and her body was lithe and strong. Her torso had the slightly concave look of someone who had been malnourished, but he could heal that. He could look after her. It was the job of a teacher.

He stripped off quickly and joined her on the bed, touching her cheek and looking into her eyes.

“Don’t say anything,” she asked quietly.

So he didn’t. Instead, he slipped his fingers into her wetness and watched in delight as she squirmed helplessly and cried out. When she was fully desperate, eyes wide and pupils blown, he slid inside her and took her at the slow, steady pace of the music they had danced to earlier that evening.

They both found release at the same moment, and their pleasure echoed across their bond, multiplying and enveloping them.

He held her afterwards. If sentiment was indeed a weakness, he was quite sure he had never been weaker.


	12. Part Twelve

The following day started beautifully.

Rey opened her eyes and found herself looking into Ren’s soft brown irises. He was lying on his side, watching her. He gave her a gentle smile as she woke up, revealing just a flash of sharp incisor. She felt exposed beneath his gaze. He was making no effort to mask the heavy emotions he was feeling.

She knew she should pull away. She knew exactly who this man was, what he had done. He had shown her images of the terrible acts he had carried out himself.

She couldn't have feelings for him.

But she did. She had always been lonely, alone, unloved. It was easy to blame that. Here was a man who, despite their differences, clearly adored her.

She had kissed him first though. It was impossible to explain what had caused it. Looking back, she could simply remember a need to do it. And that had sparked all this.

“What if we'd never met?” she wondered. “What if BB-8 had rolled into some other scavenger’s life? I might still be on Jakku, waiting. And you would still be… well…”

He rolled onto his back languidly. “Lord of the Knights of Ren. That's the title you're searching for, my scavenger.”

“What if you weren't? What if you weren't Force sensitive at all? Or not quite as much… not quite enough?” She wasn't sure what her intention was. This conversation could solve nothing, yet in her mind a lovely dream was forming.

“Or if you weren't.” He chuckled, rubbing her head affectionately. “You'd just be my little scavenger then. Without constantly wanting to kill me.” He paused and glanced at her. “You know, it's not the Jedi way.”

“Hush.” She rolled her eyes. “Who would you be?”

His pause was a little more awkward this time. “Ben Organa Solo,” he said finally.

She knew she had been given a rare gift. Something inside her glowed, and she squeezed his hand to let him know she had recognised it.

“It doesn't work like that though. The Force is about destiny and fate. In any lifetime, we would be fated to come together, first as enemies. Then as… well, still enemies. But lovers too.” He looked solemn.

“Are we still enemies?” Her tone was still light, still teasing, but they were in dangerous territory here and they knew it. A long-term plan had never been discussed. He craved power, that much was obvious without even reading it across their bond.

“I would never hurt you.”

“That doesn’t answer the question.”

He leaned over and kissed her full on the mouth, tenderly. “Rey, you know how precious you are to me.” He took a deep breath. His eyes were staring into hers, burning with emotion. She wanted to remember the look on his face forever, although it terrified her. “Can you love your enemy? If so, we can be enemies if you wish, Rey.”

She was saved from responding by a ripple in the Force, something so powerful and frightening that it made her vision blur for a moment. When it steadied, she could see Ren’s face was twisted with concentration. A second later, there was a distant explosion.

“They’ve found us,” he muttered. “Rey, get dressed.”

They both scrambled out of bed without talking. Her heart was thundering. It was over, then- this brief twilight interlude of learning and loving was being snatched away from her. She had known it couldn’t last forever, and she knew she would mourn it later. Pulling on her tunic and trousers, she could feel Ren’s cool focus bleeding into her, a sharp contrast to her burning emotions.

“We’ll run for the Falcon once the attack is fully underway,” he instructed as there was another distant explosion. “We can sneak out more easily in the chaos.”

She was tying her hair into its customary buns when she understood what he was saying. She froze, hands still knotted in her hair, and turned to stare at him. Cold realisation was dawning. “You can’t be serious.”

He was already cloaked and in his boots, holding his lightsaber in gloved fingers. For a second he was not the loving man she had taken to bed last night, but the creature in the mask she had so feared. Without the mask, his long features seemed alien to her as he stared back at her in bewilderment. “Rey, we cannot help these people.”

“I won’t leave them to die at the hands of the First Order.” She felt sick. She had been a fool. “What is the point of the Force if not to help people?”

“That is certainly not the ‘point’ of it,” he returned sardonically, raising an eyebrow. “We can argue this later but for now we must go.”

“I won’t. I won’t abandon them.” She finished her hair and reached for her own weapon with fingers which were rapidly starting to tremble.

“I’m not going to let them capture us because of your conscience, girl!”

They were back to that. She felt anger flare inside her. Hot tears burned at her eyes but she swallowed hard, refusing to submit to her sadness. “Do as you will. Leave me to my fate and go to yours.”

“Our fates are bound!” he shouted back. There was the sound of blasters and screaming in the street outside the inn. They were wasting time.

“Then we’re fighting.”

For a moment they simply glared at each other, oblivious to the sounds of fighting and destruction which were rippling closer. She could tell that he wouldn’t back down easily. He was afraid and knew they were outnumbered. He wasn’t wrong, either; they would have to be very lucky to escape unscathed and to help anyone. But she knew it was the right thing to do. She had been incredibly selfish in allowing herself to grow close to Kylo Ren- but that didn’t mean she was evil.

She felt the change in his mood twitch the bond between them, and predicted his step towards her a fraction of a second before he made it. Dark shadows crossed his face and he raised his hand slightly- not to hurt her, she knew, but to subdue her.

She ignited her lightsaber and raised it, not breaking eye contact.

Staring at her, he flinched as if she had struck him. They were both surprised that, of the pair of them, she was the next one to draw a weapon on the other.

“You’re acting a way that would not befit a Jedi,” he said softly, his voice far kinder than his facial expression, “to allow you to do something you consider to be good.”

“There is another way. This is it.” She tightened her hands on the hilt. “I’m going to help those people. I won’t ask you to come with me, but you won’t stop me.”

She crossed towards him, body tensed for the moment he ignited his own weapon. They both knew he wouldn't. Something like guilt lapped the shores of her conscience, but she could worry about that later. When she drew level with him, he sighed.

“Come along then, Rey,” he said. “Let's go fight.”

They reached the main entrance just as the Stormtroopers did. Rey's response was as automatic as her mentor’s: deflecting the rifle blasts with careful, precise flicks of the lightsaber. The first wave consisted of eight troopers and they all fell undramatically to the ground, pierced by their own deflected shots.

_ Excellent work, Rey.  _ Ren was reluctantly impressed with her. She glanced at him and was relieved to receive a half smile 

There was no sign of Delan or the other guests. Rey wondered if they had already been dragged off for questioning… or worse. She used the Force to attempt to paint a picture in her mind of how many enemies were near the building, and came up with the unsoothing total of  _ lots _ .

“I can’t sense the people you want to save,” Ren said aloud. “It is possible they were killed on sight. Standard protocol-”

“There’s no bodies,” Rey insisted.

He sighed. “Lead on then, master,” he replied sarcastically.

Reaching the doorframe that led outside, they stopped. He pressed a gentle finger to her lips and leaned out slowly. A blaster pulse echoed and he quickly pulled his head back inside.

“Are we surrounded?” she hissed.

“No, but-”

“Traitor!” The roar was unfamiliar to Rey, but it made Kylo Ren clearly pale. It echoed around the small huts which surrounded the inn. It was perhaps the loudest, clearest voice she had ever heard.

“We need to use the Force to get past them,” Rey whispered. “We can reassess once we’re safe.”

_ Follow me _ . He sent the thought clearly and, holding his lightsaber high, stepped out into the street. She followed him as instructed and swallowed at what she saw.

The morning air carried a thin veil of mist which lent the scene an unreal, nightmarish tone. At least thirty troopers waited outside, their blasters aimed at Rey and Kylo Ren. Standing before them was a severe-looking man in the First Order uniform, glaring with icy eyes. His hands were folded neatly behind his back.

“Traitor,” he repeated, the word dripping with venom.

Ren did not reply. He simply raised his hand and, with immense power that Rey felt ripple down her spine, threw five troopers aside as if they were dolls. The others began to shoot but Rey deflected effectively, shielding both herself and Kylo as he stared at the calm figure.

“Hux. You know I will kill you if you do not call off these troops.” The words were snarled.

“Kill me? You and the Jedi scavenger scum? I think not.” The man named Hux did not flinch. His lip curled cruelly as he looked at Rey. “There are more Stormtroopers on the way. You cannot hope to beat us.”

Ren roared as he lifted another six and sent them flying. Yet even now, Rey could see another dozen rushing towards them.

“I want the girl,” Hux said. “You are expendable, my slippery friend.”

“You will take Rey over my dead body.”

“That is the plan.”

Rey sensed the disturbance at the exact moment as Kylo Ren and they both reached out for each other, dropping to the ground a split second before the Millennium Falcon ripped clean through a nearby hut and skidded to a bumpy stop before them, knocking Stormtroopers aside. Hux was on the other side of it.

They were left with less than a dozen Stormtroopers. Working in harmony, they began to fight. Rey let the Force flow through her as she maneuvered cleanly around the enemy, slicing neatly and deflecting gracefully. She kicked one in the face while running another through.

“We must get on the ship!” she shouted.

But more were coming, filtering around the sides. Rey tightened her hold on her lightsaber but they weren’t looking at her for the moment.

They were looking at the small, cloaked figure leaping from Falcon, flipping agilely around and engaging them with a green lightsaber.

She felt the crippling combination of her own palpable shock and Ren’s. He felt like the world had been pulled out from beneath him.

_ There are no other Jedi. Do not trust this, Rey. _

But this woman was a Jedi, there was no doubt about it. She pushed Stormtroopers using the Force, making a clear space to fight in. Rey ended up at her side, marvelling at the Jedi’s skill.

“We have to get on the Falcon, Rey,” the Jedi told her as their backs pressed together.

Rey swung cleanly and took down the closest enemy. “How do you know my name?”

“Who do you think sent us?” Her hood had fallen down, revealing a youthful face and almond-shaped dark eyes. She had a long, thick black braid.

“I don’t understand.” They had created a momentary lapse in the wave of enemies and paused together, watching as Kylo Ren twirled his lightsaber dramatically before hacking through a neck and looking disdainfully at the helmet rolling away with the head inside. He was talented. Rey glanced at their new companion and saw vague disgust in her dark eyes.

Another hooded Jedi appeared, bursting from the Falcon. The eyes sparkling out beneath the shadows were bright blue and good-natured. Rey liked this man immediately.

“Discuss this later. Get aboard- now!” he said.

“Ren, come on!” Rey shouted, making her decision and heading towards the newcomer.

She paused when she felt something very strange tugging at her bond with her unlikely teacher. She looked back at him and saw that he was frozen, lips slightly parted.

“What the-?”

“Don’t just stand there gaping, Solo,” the blue-eyed Jedi said.

Kylo Ren lost consciousness, dropping to the ground with a heavy thud.

There was the distant sound of another troop closing in. Rey knew they had to go. She looked back at the newcomers with confusion.

“He thinks he murdered me,” the blue-eyed man told her, shrugging casually. “Nothing we can’t sort out over a drink or two.”


	13. Part Thirteen

The leader of the Knights of Ren dreamt.

_ He was four. A small, unremarkable boy with a shock of dark hair and big dark eyes. He sat still as his mother and Uncle Luke sat opposite him, staring hard at him. _

_ “Maybe he isn’t…” his mother said hopefully. _

_ “There is something  _ different _ about him. But you’re right. It’s not the same as the other younglings.” _

_ “Perhaps the Skywalker line is done with the Force,” his mother suggested. _

_ Afterwards, his father took him onto the Falcon. Han Solo didn’t have to speak to let Ben know that he was unhappy with what had taken place. His mouth was twisted and he sighed and tutted audibly. _

_ “Are you mad at me, father?” Ben asked solemnly, looking up from his position on his father’s knees. _

_ “No.” His father smiled and ruffled Ben’s hair. “No. You’re my son, kiddo. My boy.” _

* * *

 

_ Then he was eight, and it was the first time another person’s voice had echoed in his brain. It was painful and invasive; it felt as though someone was clawing at his skull from the inside. He cried out and dropped to his knees in the kitchen, losing his control over the Force and lashing out in terror, so that pots went flying across the room. _

_ “Interesting,” the voice hissed inside his head. “The grandson of Vader is strong with the Force…” _

_ Ben cried out and covered his ears with his hands, falling to his side. _

_ It was his mother who found him. She stroked his hair and rocked him gently. _

_ “Mother,” he said, when he eventually calmed down, “who is Vader?” _

* * *

 

_ He was ten, and he was listening to his parents argue as he lay in bed. _

_ “I don’t want him to go!” his father shouted. _

_ “It’s his destiny, Han. He is strong with the Force. He needs to learn. Luke’s guidance will be invaluable.” His mother sounded exhausted. _

_ “I just wanted him to be…” _

_ “I know. But he isn’t.” _

_ Ben swallowed around a lump in his throat. The voice in his head clawed at him, reminding him that his parents were disappointed in him yet again. _

* * *

 

Rey sat numbly holding his limp hand. She was overwhelmed and exhausted. She didn't understand what was happening. Kylo Ren, frightening and fearless, had lost consciousness at the sight of the two Jedi. She wondered when he would wake up. They needed answers.

Their two mysterious rescuers were piloting the Falcon, and Rey was so concerned about her teacher she didn't argue.

Gently, she probed his mind. It was quiet. She could see from his flickering eyelids that he was experiencing something, but it was closed off to her.

The male Jedi came back to speak to her once they had outrun the TIE fighters which gave pursuit when they left orbit. They had been led away by an X-wing piloted by Poe, and through the comms Poe’s laughter had echoed around the Falcon. Rey had been largely unaware of all this, feeling cold and shocked.

“He’ll be fine, don't worry,” the blue-eyed man said brightly.

Rey looked up at him. “There are no other Jedi. Luke told me.”

The man gave a smile. It was friendly and reassuring, but also amused. “I've had this a lot over the past few days. Use the Force, Rey. Tell me if I'm a Jedi or not.”

He was. It rolled off him in waves. This man was incredibly powerful and good.

“My name is Tyrel Adrass,” he told her, sitting down beside her. “I know Luke told you there were no more Jedi. It's what he told everyone. There were only two other people who knew the truth- and one of them is the old owner of this ship.”

“He thinks he murdered you all,” Rey said, voice rising hysterically as anger and sadness took over. She gestured to the man lying unconscious. “That was the catalyst for him joining the dark side. I've seen inside his head. He genuinely believes it!”

She could sense his distrust and concern at her anger. He frowned slightly. “It isn't my story to tell. We trained together. I always liked Ben.”

“What happened?” Rey demanded.

“As I said, Luke needs to explain.” Tyrel ruffled his dark hair absent-mindedly, staring at Rey. “You are incredibly strong with the Force, Rey. I sense immense power… and immense fear in you.”

Rey felt stripped bare, insulted. Kylo Ren had sensed those things in her, too, but unlike Tyrel he never looked vaguely disgusted at it. “I didn’t ask for this,” she snapped. “I didn’t want it.”

He nodded at her, now sympathetic. “Get some rest. Oirisi and I can get us back to base.”

“Is she your padawan?” Rey asked, fascinated despite herself.

“Yes. Young Miss Pleavi is one of the most gifted young Jedi.” He smiled fondly, proudly, and Rey felt a stab of jealousy. There was no Jedi Master waiting to praise her. Luke had all but rejected her, and Kylo Ren was a dark Force user who, despite his bravado, hadn’t even finished his training. She had picked the fact out of his brain, but never used it.

Rey lay down beside Ren, silently daring Tyrel to question the intimate action. He didn’t, and returned to his padawan. The alcove was small and cramped, and her teacher wasn’t the smallest of men. She rested her head on his chest and listened to the gentle thudding of his heart.

“Wake up soon,” she whispered. “I don’t understand what is happening.”

She drifted into uneasy sleep. When she woke up, long fingers were gently stroking her hair, and she blinked up at Kylo Ren to find that he was awake and cradling her carefully. She sat up so suddenly that she bumped her head and cried out.

He laughed and pulled her back to him. “Careful, dearest,” he whispered.

“How long have you been awake?” she asked.

“A few moments. A man I remember murdering is landing the ship, and his padawan is the co-pilot. There are no other Jedi, Rey. I killed them all. Snoke would have told me- would have made me kill or capture any other Force sensitive people. You were the first.” His words were bemused, genuinely concerned.

“I don’t think that it’s true,” she told him. She looked up into his eyes. He was broken. She stroked the stubble on his cheeks. “I’m with you whatever happens. You know that, don’t you?”

He nodded.

They landed. Tyrel and Oirisi came to lead them from the ship. Rey half-expected them to draw weapons, and she held tightly onto Ren’s fingers.

The ship was surrounded by Resistance operatives, but nobody was holding weapons. Rey stood before them, aware that she was holding the hand of their enemy. It was silent for a long moment, dozens of pairs of eyes looking at them.

The line was broken by Poe and Finn pushing through and rushing to her. She thought for a wild second that they were going to attack her partner, but they ignored him completely and she felt herself torn from him, spun first in Finn’s arms and then in Poe’s. She laughed despite herself.

“I’m so glad you’re both alright,” she said, smiling at them.

“We weren’t sure what was going to happen to you,” Finn told her, ruffling her hair.

Poe nodded. “I trusted that guy to look after you, but then afterwards I thought it was maybe not my greatest decision.”

“It appears it worked out for the best,” Ren drawled sardonically, looming at her shoulder and glaring at Poe.

Poe shrugged. “My decisions tend to be pretty good, to be fair.”

An awkward moment passed with Finn and Poe staring him down, waiting to see if he was going to suddenly attack them. Rey rolled her eyes at them.

“Ben!”

They all froze at the sound of Leia’s voice, and turned to see the General approaching them. Her face was impossible to read, but Rey could sense trepidation in her movements. She wasn’t sure how her estranged son was going to react to her away from the urgency of a battle… and nor was he. He had tensed against Rey.

“Get rid of the crowd,” Rey muttered to Poe.

To their credit, Finn and Poe began shooing the crowd despite their feelings towards the dark Force user who had been brought home with their friend. Rey moved to step away as well, but Kylo Ren’s fingers wrapped around her hand once more. The General’s keen eyes flickered down to their joined fingers, and Rey saw the smile which twitched her lips.

“Ben,” she repeated, stopping before them. “Thank you for coming home.”

He swallowed audibly. His face was blank, but his fingers trembled in Rey’s. She felt a wave of emotion towards him. “I was unconscious,” he said. “I didn’t have much choice.”

Leia nodded. “That’s true. I’m still glad to see you. Luke wishes to discuss some things with you both.”

“Such as the fact the padawans I murdered are apparently fine and are, in fact, training padawans of their own?” he asked. There was a dangerous venom in the words.

Leia coloured. “Starting with that, yes.”

“Lead on then, General,” he snapped.

She sighed and they followed her across into a small building. It was a warm planet, and it was very hot inside the building. Rey’s palm quickly grew sweaty, and she was conscious of it pressing against his.

Luke was standing waiting for them. Rey was shocked as he crossed to them and enveloped her in an embrace. He had previously avoided touching her where possible. His mind was open to her for the first time; she could have explored every memory, every thought, if she had wanted to.

He drew back and looked at his old student, and there was regret on his features.

“I am so sorry, Ben,” he said, surprising them all.

“Start talking.” The response was snappy and angry.

Luke glanced at Leia, who nodded.

“Should I leave?” Rey asked.

“No.” His soft brown eyes were on her, beseeching her to stay. “I need at least one person in this room who has never betrayed me.”

“Ben-” Leia began, reaching for his arm.

He stepped back. “ _ Don’t _ call me that.”

“I’ll stay,” Rey soothed.

“You were about eight when Snoke started communicating with you,” Luke began. “We already knew you were gifted. It was around the time I decided I had to start training Jedi. Your father-”

Ren let out an unconscious noise of pain. He closed his eyes tightly then opened them.

“- he didn’t want you to train,” Luke said, continuing as if he hadn’t noticed. “He wanted you to have a quiet life, the sort of life none of us had. And he was worried- worried there was too much of my father in you.”

“He was right.” The long white fingers reached up and pushed his dark hair back, agitated. He was breathing heavily.

Luke looked at him, hard. “There is a lot of him in you. Not in the way you think. Anyway, as you got a little older, Snoke continued to manipulate you.”

“I remember all this,” Ren snapped. “He wasn’t manipulating me. He was showing me how I could rise to greatness. How you were wasting our family’s gifts on some foolish school for Jedi recruits instead of seeking true power.”

“As I said, he manipulated you,” Luke continued calmly. “The only way I could help you was to train you. So you came to me. Straight away, it was obvious that you were incredibly powerful. More powerful than I had anticipated.”

“They all hated me. The others. They laughed at me.”

“No. Snoke made you believe that, Ben.”

Tight, insistent fingers latched onto Rey’s. Across the bond, she could feel his conflict, his misery.

“He was becoming more of an issue. We needed to deal with him to remove any future threat to the Jedi.” Luke’s eyes were clouded, lost in memory. “You volunteered to slip into the First Order, to pretend his manipulations had been effective.”

Denial and doubt radiated from the former Ben Solo, who raised an eyebrow at Luke. “That isn’t what happened.”

Luke sighed and then pressed a memory into the minds of both Rey and Ren, one which clear and vivid and  _ true. _

_ Ben Organa Solo was fifteen. He was already unnaturally tall, but he had yet to fill out, giving him a fragile, stretched look. He was swamped by the brown robes he wore as he sat cross-legged opposite a younger Luke Skywalker. _

_ “I have to do this,” Ben said. “It’s my destiny.” The words were solemn, and they matched the dark eyes which burned with a seriousness beyond his years. _

_ “It is incredibly dangerous, Ben,” Luke replied gently. _

_ “This conversation is pointless. We both know I am the only person you can send, Master.”  _

_ Luke surveyed his nephew. The boy had never ceased to amaze him. The feeling in his chest was pride, overwhelming and genuine. Despite his surnames, this boy was a Skywalker. _

_ In the back of his mind, Luke heard his father murmuring approval. _

_ “He will only accept you if he believes you have truly turned against the other Jedi,” Luke said, conceding. _

_ “I shall tell him I have murdered them,” Ben said, shrugging. _

_ “Do not be so flippant. He will easily read your mind- you know already how difficult it is to keep him out.” _

_ Ben raised a dark eyebrow, a facial expression Rey recognised well. “Do you propose I actually murder my peers, then, Master?” he asked sarcastically. _

_ Luke fought the urge to roll his eyes, a gesture he knew was unbefitting a Jedi Master. The boy was his father’s son. “No. However, we shall create a new memory. A false one. In it, you will cleanse the galaxy of the remaining Jedi. It shall sit over the top of your other memories, so Snoke will be able to see it.” _

_ The young Jedi nodded. “A good idea, Master.” _

Rey blinked back in the present. Her heart was thundering in her chest. She had lost her control on her emotions, and she was receiving Kylo Ren’s unfiltered response to the shocking realisation that he had not actually killed his peers. It was overwhelming, enough to make her chest hurt.

She looked at him. He was whiter than she had ever seen him, and there were actual tears on his cheeks. He was glaring with unrestrained fury at Luke and Leia.

“Ben-” his mother began.

He was dangerously close to absolutely losing his temper. A powerful surge of Force power made Rey’s arms prickle. The hand clutching hers released her and he stormed from the room.


	14. Part Fourteen

He stormed aimlessly, unaware of the layout of the base. Away from the oppressive stares of his mother, his uncle and Rey, he began to give into his rage and misery, and was vaguely aware of the fact that he was growling. He found a door, tried to open it and discovered it was locked. With an effortless Force push, he burst through it and collapsed on the floor of someone’s quarters.

Who was he?

His whole life had been a lie. He had never murdered the padawans. He had never committed the action that had sent him spiralling into his current role.

He didn’t have to turn to the dark side. He didn’t have to do everything he had done since.

His father’s face swam before his eyes, and he screamed into the hard, cold flooring.

He felt Rey arrive and sensed her hesitation.

“Go,” he said.

He didn’t want her to see him like this. He needed time to process, to understand. He was dangerous and cruel, and he was vaguely aware that he needed to protect her from his own impulses.

“Kylo,” she implored softly.

Tears were stinging his eyes. He looked at her darkly. “You told me you had never seen snow. You genuinely forgot about the time you saw snow before that.”

She frowned. Images of Starkiller began to fill her mind, and he saw them in his own. “I didn’t- I suppose I just had other things to remember about that day…”

“The things I did. The terrible thing I did. I can’t undo it, Rey- and I didn’t even have to do it.” He pushed himself to his knees and stared up at her. The pity in her eyes was kind and loving, and it infuriated him again. “Get out.”

“I don’t think you should be-”

“Don’t push me, Rey.” He heard the darkly ominous words leaving his mouth, and regretted threatening her instantly.

Hurt clouded her features. She turned and left him alone.

Broken, bitter Kylo Ren.

He wanted to smash and destroy. Purest rage was boiling within him, dark and unforgiving. Something else glued him to the ground and he stayed there, folded up on himself. Images of his father haunted him.

Luke was telling the truth. But Ren could not access the memory in his own mind. He could clearly remember the false memory- bitter, twisted, manipulated little Ben Solo giving into Snoke’s pressure and striking down the padawans cruelly- but there was no evidence of a plot.

Which meant the plot had worked too well.

He had volunteered to slip into the First Order. Presumably Luke’s instructions had not been to murder Snoke. But they would not have been to embrace the dark side with such passion. They must have formed some plot which had never been successful.

He was weak. He had given into the dark side.

A memory from years earlier came into his mind.

_ Ben Solo was thirteen. Already troubled by Snoke’s voice in his brain for many years, he was quiet and withdrawn, a strange child. _

_ Luke had taken to spending a lot of time with his nephew, trying to stop Snoke’s influence. _

_ “Dark force users think the Jedi are weak,” Luke told him one evening. They were sitting watching the sunset. “But they are the weak ones. What is right is never easy, Ben. Fighting the temptation of the dark side… that is the real power. Love and honesty and kindness- these are the things that we should live for. Not unlimited power. Not fear and anger.” _

_   
_ _ “Yes, Master.” _

Ren hated himself. He wanted to claw his face, tear his skin off. Lying on the floor, he trembled and sobbed. He was irredeemable. He was evil. And he never had to be.

At some point he had been a selfless Jedi apprentice who had volunteered for a dangerous mission. Luke had foolishly agreed to send him.

And that Jedi apprentice had never returned home.

“He’s home now.”

The voice which startled him out of his trauma was deep and calm, and Ren rose to his knees, igniting his lightsaber. His mouth fell open at what he saw.

A man- translucent and tinted with blue- stood before him. He was dressed in Jedi robes. His face was flickering; one moment, it was older and gentle, the next youthful and intense.

A Force ghost. He had heard of them, of course, but had never seen one.

“Grandfather,” he breathed.

The older face smiled softly, but it was tinged with sadness. “I have never before been called that.”

Ren was aware of the fact that he was still crying. A strange sort of relief was settling on him, and the tears were almost joyful. For years he had idolised this man, yet it was only now- as Ren teetered on the edge of the light side- that he appeared to him. “Thank you for this honour, Grandfather.”

“The honour is mine, Ben.”

His birth name. There could be no clearer sign which side his grandfather expected him to take.

“I’ve done terrible things, Grandfather.” He blurted out the words, desperate for absolution. “I killed my father.”

The younger face nodded. He was handsome, despite the scar, and looked younger than his grandson. “You were seduced by the dark side of the Force.”

“I am weak.” The words were spat out.

The man who had been both Anakin Skywalker and Vader shook his head, his long hair swaying gently. “The Jedi’s greatest flaw is to forget that we are human, too. Before we are Jedi, we are people. With feelings and emotions and weaknesses, like everyone else in the galaxy. The expectation that we simply put that to one side can be too much. So many have been needlessly seduced by the dark side because of it.” He sighed. “Fear of losing what I loved was what sent me down that path. I was a grown man when it happened. You have had Snoke’s voice in your head since you were a child. It isn't your fault, Ben.”

Forgiveness. Here it was, offered by his hero. But he couldn’t accept it. He didn’t deserve it.

“What must I do?” he asked, bowing his head.

“The girl is the key. You must train her, Ben.”

“I shouldn’t. I’m not a Jedi. I never completed my own training.”

His grandfather smiled kindly. “Trust the Force, Ben.”

* * *

 

Rey sat hugging her knees. She had hidden herself away in the armory, away from the oppressive sun and the stares of people.

Her mind was racing. Kylo Ren had not killed the Jedi. Somewhere along the way, he had been manipulated by Snoke. He was a victim of Snoke.

Not an innocent victim. Certainly not innocent.

But perhaps he could be redeemed, despite what he thought. Perhaps she could help him.

He had sent her away angrily when she had tried to comfort him, but he was just accepting the startling truth. She could understand his mood.

She wanted to help him.

Really, Luke had no need of her. If there were indeed still Jedi- presumably in hiding throughout the galaxy, pretending to be dead- he did not need one more girl to train. No wonder he had distanced himself from her. She could probably go home if she wanted. Go back to waiting for whoever wasn’t coming back for her.

She rested her head against the hot metal of the wall and closed her eyes.

She heard the door open, and sensed Kylo Ren. He crossed to her and sat down beside her, not touching. Something dramatic had changed within him. There was a calmness in him she had never sensed before. Opening her eyes, she saw that his were red from crying.

Without speaking, he reached out for her, and she pulled him close, holding him.


	15. Part Fifteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! Life has been hectic. Just a short one today but wanted to get something up :)

Kylo Ren, former Lord of the Knights of Ren, dark Force user and killer of the innocent, was adorable when he was asleep.

Rey sat at the end of the bed, legs tucked up beneath her, watching him slumber. His mouth had fallen open. His dark hair was tangled. He looked a little better; the dark shadows beneath his eyes were faded. She had tried to touch his dreams and found that there were none. He was getting some much-needed peace from the sounds of his memories.

The door opened, and Leia Organa came in, smiling gently at Rey. She walked to her son’s head and smoothed his hair back tenderly. Rey knew it had been years since she had last been able to do something like this. Last time, Ben Solo had been a child. Rey felt the sadness and regret which tainted Leia’s entire existence.

“It will be fine,” Rey said uselessly, feeling like she had to say something.

Leia sighed. “If I could change what we did, I would.”

Rey nodded. She was angry at them, especially at Luke, for allowing little Ben Solo to undertake the mission which had ultimately broken him. But she knew she could never understand the conflict his mother had been involved in, the hideous decision she had to make, and the horror of living with it afterwards.

“He is lucky to have you, Rey. I don’t think we’d be here together if not for you.”

Rey didn’t know how to reply to that. She felt lucky to be able to sit here, to attempt to heal him. She felt lucky when he looked at her, when he smiled at her.

“Luke wishes to speak with you,” Leia said.

Rey nodded. She had been expecting this. Pressing a parting squeeze to Ren’s ankle, she followed the General out of the room and along to the dark, hot room Luke was using.

He was sitting cross-legged on the ground, and he rose as they entered.

“Rey,” he said, smiling. “How are you?”

“Fine, thank you. Have you summoned me to tell me that you no longer require my services as  Jedi?”

He raised an eyebrow. “I don’t understand.”

“That is why you wouldn’t train me properly, isn’t it? There are other Jedi. There always were. You don’t need me.”

Luke shook his head emphatically. “Rey, no. You have no idea how important you are, child.” He reached out for her and placed his hands on her shoulders, and she allowed it, trapped in the intensity of his gaze. “Rey, you are the most important of us all.”

Her heart was thundering. “I’m nobody.”

“I couldn’t train you properly because I couldn’t risk anyone finding out about the other Jedi. I didn’t want Ben to find out until he was ready. Unfortunately, events fell out of my control.”

“I’m worried about him,” Rey sighed.

“He is going to need help working through his memories,” Luke replied. “You have the strongest connection possible with him. He needs you to help him, Rey.”

“I don’t know anything about this. I don’t know how to help him.”

“Trust yourself, Rey. Trust in the Force.”

Leia put her hand on Rey’s and gave her a gentle look. “I’ve seen the way you look at my son, Rey. I’ve seen the way he looks at you. If anyone can help him, it is you. It isn’t always easy- believe me, I know. But he needs you.”

“You don’t need to convince me.” Rey held the General’s gaze. “I promised him I would stay with him no matter what.”

“You saw something in him that nobody has seen in many years,” Leia replied. “I cannot thank you enough for that.”

* * *

 

Kylo Ren opened his eyes and was surprised by how calm he felt.

Rey was sitting by his feet, smiling at him in relief. He would never grow tired of waking up beside her. She looked exhausted, skin pale and eyes too wide. He wondered how long she had been awake, sitting watching over him.

He was struck again by how little he deserved her.

“Come here,” he ordered, his voice thick with sleep.

She rolled her eyes at his tone. “Yes, my Lord,” she replied sarcastically.

He wanted her. He tugged along their bond, drawing her to him, and it was easy because she didn’t want to resist. She laughed, giving in, and crawled up to him, straddling him. Her small hands pressed, cool and firm, against his bare chest.

He wrapped a hand around the base of her neck and tugged her down closer, kissing her mouth insistently.

She pulled back, short of breath. “We need to talk.”

“Not now.” He was holding back the reality of the situation, keeping it firmly at the edges of his mind. “Please.”

She rolled off him, settling beside him. “Fine,” she said.

He smiled at her, kissed her again. His hands worked their way beneath her tunic, trailing along her narrow, hard hips and up to the swell of her breasts. She moaned into his kiss as he rolled her nipples gently in his fingertips.

Her hands were beneath the cover of the bed, tugging him over so that he was on top of her. He grinned at her impatience and tugged her trousers off, pushing them aside with the Force before sliding inside her. She felt so good that he growled and she mewled desperately in response.

They moved together, her nails digging into his shoulder blades. She bucked her hips, wrapped her legs around him and gave herself completely to him.

When they were finished, he lay beside her and stroked her hair, quietly appreciating the way it had tumbled out of its three buns in the throes of passion.

“How are you feeling?” she asked quietly.

He scratched his chin. A beard was quickly forming. “Glad I have you.”

She blushed. “Don’t.”

“It’s true. Rey, who else has been there for me throughout all this? Not my parents. Not Luke. Not Snoke, or any of the First Order. I was alone- I didn’t realise it, but I have been alone for so long.” Emotion was rising inside him.

“People keep saying things like that to me today.” Rey closed her eyes. “I don’t think you understand that I need you, too. You saw inside my head. How lonely I was.”

“I’m sorry it’s me you ended up stuck with. I know I’m broken.”

“I would choose you,” she replied gently.

“Don’t you want to break the bond still?” He chuckled sadly. “Regardless of how much it hurts, how hard it is?”

She smiled at her own words, paraphrased by him. “No.”


	16. Part Sixteen

“You look… nice.” The word stuck in Rey’s throat, not because she didn’t believe it, but because it was hard to express how appealing Kylo Ren looked as he strode into the room Luke had set aside for them.

Despite everything, he maintained his broad, powerful, dangerous manner of walking. He brought with him a clean, fresh scent. His hair was still damp and hung loose. His dark facial hair sleekly accented his jawline. Rey had never seen him in anything other than dark clothes, but this morning he was wearing a white shirt which hugged his impressively muscular torso.

He looked every inch the son of a princess, heir to an incredible dynasty. Rey, sitting in her slightly scruffy grey clothes and hair bundled up as always, had never felt more clearly the differences between them.

He gave her a strange look but didn’t comment, sitting down opposite her on the ground.

“How do we do this?” she asked.

“You need to be inside my head. I’ll… I’ll remember what I can.” He looked paler than usual. “You need to help me explore the memories, uncover the real memories.”

She nodded. “You’ll be fine, you know.”

He didn’t believe her, and made no attempt to hide this from her. She felt him open his mind to her completely, welcoming her inside. She closed her eyes and slipped in.

_ Kylo Ren looked down at his prisoner. She was still out cold, her mind peaceful and quiet. She was smaller than he expected, but there was a fierce hardness about her face. He could break that down easily enough. He might not even have to hurt her. _

Rey pushed herself backwards and stumbled back into the present. Her heart was thundering and her skin was coated in sweat. She glared, wide-eyed, at the monster sat opposite her, struggling to remember everything that had happened since then.

He was covering his face with his hands. He didn’t look at her. “Rey, I’m sorry.”

She exhaled shakily. “Let’s get on with it.”

_ It was raining. Ben Solo’s hair was plastered to his forehead, and he was cold beneath the black robe. He was exhausted. He had been waiting on the outskirts of the village for hours now. _

_ The man who approached was short and plump, a dirty bag slung over his shoulders. He gave the young Force user a crooked smile, revealing square yellow teeth. _

_ “Kylo Ren?” he asked. _

_ Ben still wasn’t used to the name, but he nodded, one hand curled around the handle of his lightsaber. “You have what my master requested?” _

_ “Aye, lad. Must say, I expected someone older.” _

_ He was considering double-crossing Ben, who sensed his intentions clearly. _

_ “Don’t even try it,” Ben snarled, igniting his weapon and swinging it dramatically before pointing it at the man. _

_ The man smiled again, this time cold and cruel. He reached into the large, dirty bag and produced the package, offering it to the boy. _

_ “That is just the helmet,” Ben said, frowning at it. “Where is the weapon?” _

_ “I… I couldn’t locate the weapon, Master Ren,” the man said. _

_ Ben entered his mind, and found that this was the truth. “Very well,” he said, taking the helmet from the man. It was heavier than he expected. He swallowed. _

“Was that real?” Rey asked, frowning.

“You’re supposed to be telling me that. Did it feel real?” He was frowning, still looking away from her. He wasn’t exactly comfortable with this. She couldn’t blame him.

“Yes. Was that… Vader’s helmet?”

“Snoke told me to get it. He said it would… inspire me.”

“You were still working with Luke?”

He swallowed. “I… I don't know.”

_ Ben Solo sat opposite his uncle with a heavy sigh. He dumped the mask, uncovered, on the table between them. It was an ugly, twisted thing. Ben didn't like to look at it; it made him feel ashamed, and afraid. _

_ “Wait,” said Kylo Ren to Rey, as they watched the boy frown. “I don't remember this.” _

_ “That's good,” she replied. “We've found the first memory you lost.” _

_ In the memory, Luke also frowned at the mask. “Does it inspire you?” he asked his nephew. _

_ “Don't be ridiculous.” Ben was looking rough. There were deep shadows beneath his eyes. He looked far older than his years- as old, in fact, as the man Rey was sitting with. “I want to honour Grandfather. The fight he finished against the dark side. Snoke does not understand.” _

_ Luke reached across the table and took his nephew’s hand. “You will. You will finish what my father started. You will redeem your family.” _

“Oh.” Kylo Ren looked small and faint. The single sound escaped his lips in a tiny sigh.

Rey wasn't sure what to say.

“Can we take a break, please?” he asked, knotting his fingers in his hair with frustration. “I feel unusual. I know that was my memory; I know that boy was me. But I don’t recognise it.”

Rey shuffled closer to him and took his hand gently. She wanted to comfort him, but she wasn’t sure how best to do it. How could she understand this? Her own memories of her origin were lost, but she remembered everything since then, and she had no reason to doubt the truth of what she recalled.

“Don’t pity me,” he said roughly, making eye contact with her. “I mean it, Rey. Despite the fact that the idealistic child you see in my memories was technically me, I am no longer him. Regardless of my intentions when this all started, the things I’ve done since… well, they can’t be undone by remembering that I once wanted to be a good Jedi.”

“But…”

He cupped her cheek with his hand. “Rey. You want to absolve me because you love me. I am grateful for that- believe me. But you fell for me with a full understanding and acceptance of who I am. Don’t try to cheapen that.”

Rey swallowed. She hadn’t told him she loved him. Nor had she hid it from him. Now was not the right time to discuss this.

“We found a memory,” he said softly. “We know they’re in there.”

“You can’t hide from this,” Rey replied. “Come on, Kylo. Be my teacher. Teach me about bravery.”

He laughed, then leaned forward and kissed her. His mouth was soft and warm. “I reluctantly agree, my lady.” When he drew back, he looked pale but determined.

_ It was night. The figure cloaked in black was alone, walking towards the landing strip. A strong wind whipped the cloak around him, and the air was thick with an impending storm. He wanted to be calm, but he wasn’t. He felt sick. _

_ Kylo Ren and Rey followed him, and Rey could sense the tension in her partner. However, this memory felt different. She felt as if she could tear through the edges of it if she tried hard enough. _

_ “This isn’t real,” she told him. “It’s a false memory.” _

_ He didn’t reply. Ahead of them, the cloaked figure stopped. The night was illuminated by a fork of lilac lightning. A small ship was landing. The lightning illuminated the dark shadows and faint red glow around Ben Solo’s eyes. _

_ He stepped forward and offered his hand to the pretty Twi’lek female climbing down from the ship. She was wearing tight blue clothes which revealed a lot of her soft orange skin. There was a lightsaber strapped to her slender thigh. _

_ “Lira,” Ben said, his voice low. _

_ She looked up at him with beautiful purple eyes. Everything about her was colourful. It took Rey a long moment to remember that this lovely creature was looking up at the teenage version of the man she considered her own, and that the bitter, jealous bile rising in her throat was unnecessary. _

_ “It is so lovely to be back,” Lira said. She was still holding onto Ben’s hand. “My trip was productive. I disabled the supply chain for the First Order base.” _

_ Ben Solo’s dark face was illuminated again by the strange, purple lightning. He lowered his hood with one gloved hand, the other still wrapped around Lira’s. He tightened his fingers around hers as he drew his lightsaber and ignited it. It was red and glowing- the same weapon favoured by the adult Kylo Ren. _

_ Lira glanced down at it. Uncertainty flickered in her eyes. “Ben, where is your lightsaber? Where did you get that one?” _

_ “I’m sorry, Lira. This is not personal.” _

_ “What-?” _

_ Ben drove the lightsaber cleanly through the Jedi. She gasped, and the expression of betrayal on her face broke what was left on his heart. She reached up and her fingers curled around his cheek for a long moment before she crumpled to the ground. _

Kylo Ren was crying silently. Tears flowed freely down his cheeks. “No more. Not today, Rey.”

“That never happened. It was fake.” Rey swallowed. “Lira is still alive, presumably.”

He exhaled, wiping a hand across his damp face. His shoulders raised and lowered in a shrug. “I believed I had murdered her for years, Rey. We can hardly strike up a friendship.”

“We can find out what really happened to her.”

“No. No more rooting around in my brain.”

* * *

 

“How was he?” Luke was sitting opposite Rey at dinner, watching with concern as she pushed her food around her plate. Kylo Ren had opted to eat alone in his room.

Rey sighed. “Not good. Although you can hardly expect much else.”

“I deserve your disapproval, Rey. I should have done things differently.”

“When we were looking at the false memories… there was a Twi’lek. A pretty one.”

“Lira.” Luke looked down at his food. “She was close to Ben. Even when things were getting dark, when he was difficult.”

“Is she still alive?”

“No. There was a First Order attack on the village she was hiding in a few years ago. It was unrelated to her, but she died trying to save people.”

* * *

 

He was lying in bed when Rey came back in after dinner. His sorrow and exhaustion from before had waned, and he was filled with a strange hope. Things could change. He could change.

“Rey. I want you to help me find a real memory.” He sat up, excited, and grinned at her.

She looked pale and drawn, but she nodded. She sat down beside him and opened their bond.

_ “I don’t think it’s a good idea,” Lira said. _

_ “It’s our only idea,” Ben replied. They were in his room. He was sitting cross-legged on the floor, his hair flopping loosely over his face. _

_ Lira was lying on his bed. Rey could tell from her position that it wasn’t the first time she had been there. “So I have to go into hiding.” _

_ “Yes, but it won’t be for long. And I’ll come back for you personally,” Ben said, flashing her a grin, the first one in a long time. _

_ She rolled her lovely eyes at him. “My hero.” _

“She’s alive,” he said. Something dark had lifted from his heart. “Rey, I didn’t kill her.”

“Listen to me-”

“Don’t.” He pulled her close, so that she was sat facing him on his lap. “I know we were close, but it wasn’t serious. I just want to talk to her, I promise.”

Rey was startled to find that she was crying. She felt the hot tears on her cheeks at the realisation she was going to have to crush his sudden and unexpected surge of enthusiasm. “She died, Kylo. The First Order killed her.”

He swallowed. “Of course they did.”


	17. Part Seventeen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hugest apologies for just disappearing. I was really rather ill for two weeks and then had to start my new job so it's all a bit manic. I'll hopefully be back in my groove soon.

“I… I don’t know what to do, Luke. He’s barely spoken for two days.”

Luke leaned back, tenting his fingers and regarding Rey with a frown. “We need him to help us take down the First Order.”

So that was what this was about. Rey had known, of course, but it was the first time it had been said aloud to her. They needed her to make Ben Solo functional again so that he could lead the fight against Snoke. A grand plan.

Except that, at the moment, Ben Solo was a pale, withdrawn husk of man who hadn’t left bed for two days.

Rey had spent a lot of the first day trying to encourage him to look into his memories again, and after that had failed, she had tried to encourage him to train with her. He had dropped a kiss to her forehead before rolling over and facing the wall.

So Rey had gone off to train with Tyrell Adrass and Oirisi Pleavi. It had felt good to get some serious training done. Tyrell told her a little bit about the other Jedi who were in hiding, and about the Jedi of old.

“He’s confused, Luke. He doesn’t know who he is.”

Luke sighed. “I know that. He also has a serious distrust for the Jedi.”

“He can’t even trust his own memories.” Rey shrugged. “I just want to help him. And not become of some huge, important cause. I want to help him because I care about him.”

Luke nodded. He was exhausted; Rey could see the dark shadows beneath his eyes. She wondered what else he was dealing with. The Resistance was still continuing; just because she had spent a strange twilight with Kylo Ren didn’t change the fact that the war was raging every single day. She was glad for the break from it, but she also wanted to know what was happening.

Finally, he leaned forward. “I’ll speak to him.”

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

Luke nodded again. “I have another idea.”

* * *

 

Kylo Ren knew he should get up and do something. Inactivity had rendered his limbs twitchy and his patience short. He was bored of his own company, bored of wallowing in self-pity and blank misery. He longed to snap himself out of it- but, of course, that was impossible.

Nothing made sense. He wanted his grandfather to appear to him again, to help him, but he was alone.

Rey had wanted to help, of course, but he had pushed her away. Her pure, loving face was too painful to look at right now.

He didn’t deserve her.

There was a knock at the door and he sat up, startled. How long had he been wallowing, utterly unaware of anything but the ghosts inside his own head?

It was his mother. He could sense her presence clearly enough. At one point in his life, before he was even aware of his own gifts, he had adored the comfort her presence offered. Now it was strange and uncomfortable, something he hadn’t felt consistently for a very long time. He had, over the years, concentrated on keeping their connection- different to a Force bond, but equally powerful- severed.

If he ignored her, she would leave him.

He saw his father’s face before him.

“Come in,” he called, and his voice was hoarse with disuse.

The door opened and she stepped inside. She was carrying a tray of dinner, and her eyes were soft. “Hello, Ben.”

He wanted to tell her not to call him that, but it seemed the words died on their way to his lips. He cringed at himself, reached up and dragged a hand through his lank hair. “I wasn’t expecting anyone- I’m sorry-”

She held a hand up, silencing him. “Can we talk?”

He had a moment of fleeting panic. There was only one topic of conversation she could want to have with him.

She took his silence as consent and crossed to the chair by the bed, sitting down with her elbows resting on her knees. She stared at him, taking in his face greedily. He felt exposed, examined, but he could understand- it had been years since she’d been able to look at him like this. He forced himself to hold her gaze steadily. It was the least he could do for this woman.

“You have become a very handsome man,” she said softly, surprising him. “You look a lot like your father.”

Unbidden, tears filled his eyes, burning him. He tried to form a response but the words couldn’t escape the hot, hard lump in his throat.

“I’m proud of you,” his mother continued. “What you’re doing- what you’re dealing with- nobody has ever had to work through it before.”

He cleared his throat awkwardly. “I don’t know how well I’m dealing with it.”

Leia hesitated, then leaned forward and held out her hand, offering it to him the way she had when he was a little boy. He looked at the lined skin for a long moment, then reached out and took her fingers in his. Her hand trembled in his.

“Please don’t fear me,” he said.

She sighed. “It isn’t you I fear. It’s the idea of you returning to the dark side. It’s as though you’re teetering on a precipice between light and dark. Even you don’t know which way you will fall.”

“Mother,” he murmured, the word thick and unfamiliar. He gave her fingers a gentle squeeze. He tried hard to sift through his own thoughts, to give voice to how he felt. “Forgive me, but you’re wrong. The space between light and dark is no precipice. I’m not teetering. My position between the two is where it has always been, I think- there is light and dark in me. There is light and dark in us all.”

Leia raised her eyebrows, but said nothing.

They sat in silence for a moment. Their fingers were still wrapped together, no longer trembling.

“Do you… do you wish to discuss my father?”

Leia looked down, then met his eyes again. “Yes,” she said firmly.

“I’m sorry.” The tears were trailing down his face. “Mother, I’m sorry. He wanted to bring me home… he wanted to save me.”

She was crying, too. “We both did.”

“I was torn… I was being torn apart. The light and the dark… I didn’t know what to do.”

“I know,” his mother said softly. “I know.”

“I know you can never forgive me,” he whispered.

“None of this is-”   
  


“It is all my fault, mother. Regardless of what happened before- the choices I made, the things that went wrong- truly, it is my fault.”

She stood up and bent down to press a kiss to his forehead, startling him. “Ben. I failed you. Your father failed you.”

“What can I do?” he asked, looking up into her kind face.

“You need to finish organising your memories. I know it’s difficult, but it’s the only way to move forward. Then, you must finish training Rey. Your destinies are intertwined.”

“I know.” He nodded. “I know.”


	18. Part Eighteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't abandoned this. I'm just vaguely crap.

The following morning, Kylo Ren joined the Resistance at breakfast.

Rey almost choked on the mouthful of doughy bread she was chewing, and stared at the man who entered the dining hall with his shoulders square and tense. He was glaring out at everyone, his body tight and controlled, waiting for a confrontation that wouldn't come.

He was wearing a white tunic, open at the neck to reveal a lot of his pale, freckled skin, and tight dark trousers. His lightsaber hung at his waist. He wore his dark hair in a knot on top of his head.

He looked amazing. Rey felt herself colour as she looked at him. Judging by the appreciative glances some of the female pilots on Poe’s table were flashing her reluctant teacher, Rey wasn't the only one in the room who had noticed how attractive he looked.

Rey was sitting with Tyrel, Oirisi and Finn. Finn was the only person who returned the challenging glare Kylo offered her companions as he sat down beside her.

“Good morning,” she said.

“Good morning, Rey,” he replied evenly.

She was pleasantly surprised by this turn of events. She offered him a tentative smile and was thrilled to receive a tiny one in return.

“Rey will train with me today,” he announced to Tyrel, in his best Lord Ren tone. The smoky, powerful words did not invite confrontation, and would have terrified a lesser man.

Tyrel merely quirked his eyebrow. “ _ Thanks, Tyrel, for training my padowan while I was otherwise indisposed _ ,” he mocked in his best impression of Ren’s deep, dangerous drawl. He laughed lightly. “Calm down, Solo, you know that doesn't impress me.”

Rey hid an amused grin as Kylo Ren, used to being feared and respected, dealt with the cocky man who clearly remembered him as a pimple-faced teenage boy. His cheeks flushed scarlet and she saw his fingers twitch automatically for his lightsaber. “Don’t call me that,” he ground out.

Tyrel rolled his eyes. “Well, I’m not calling you  _ Kylo _ , so you’re going to have to deal with it, my lord.”

There was a clearly painful internal debate behind Kylo Ren’s dark eyes as he visibly fought the urge to actually murder his former friend. Finally, he reached for a piece of bread and chewed it hungrily.

“Do you know what the plan is?” Oirisi asked Kylo, leaning around Tyrel to ask the question. She was clearly as unafraid of him as her Jedi master. Perhaps it was true, Rey mused- true Jedi felt no fear.

She was no Jedi.

“Plan?”

Oirisi rolled her dark eyes in a display that was eerily like Tyrel’s. “To defeat the First Order.”

Kylo Ren gave a humourless smirk. It was terrifying. He looked Oirisi hard in the eyes, and Rey saw the girl fight to suppress a shudder. “I’d hardly be the first person they’d tell, would I?”

“Shall we go and train?” Rey interrupted, before Tyrel began to defend Oirisi.

She steered Kylo Ren with her hand firmly on his elbow. The stares of the entire room followed them towards the door and she could feel them burning into her back all the way down to the yard.

When they stopped, finally alone in the heavy, dry heat, she turned to Kylo and threw her arms around his neck before she could stop herself, burying her face in his shoulder and breathing in his spicy scent. He wrapped his arms around her waist.

“Rey?” he prompted.

She drew back, looking up into his face. “I’m glad to see you up.”

“I’m sorry I left you alone. I promised to be your teacher and I have failed you.” His words were thick, heavy with emotion.

Rey shook her head. “You have taught me so much. You’re only human. That’s the most important thing I needed to learn about Force users.”

He was nodding, eyes distant. He was clearly thinking about something else, and when she touched his mind across their connection she saw the faintly blue face of a handsome young man she didn’t recognise. “There’s darkness and lightness in us all.” He frowned. “It’s important, but I don’t know why.”

It struck Rey with almost blinding clarity. Her hands tightened on him automatically. “Why must we choose?” she asked.

“What do you mean?”

Her voice was high-pitched, breathless, as the words tumbled out. “Why must we choose between dark and light? Between Jedi and Sith? People aren’t made that way, are they?”

It was clear to her now. She would never be either. She was no Jedi… but that was fine. It was natural. The man stood before her, the man she loved, was the same, rippling shades of grey.

“You’re right. Rey, you’re right.”

Something beautiful, an understanding, blossomed between them. They stood, his arms still encircling her, smiling softly at each other. Neither knew how to use this understanding, or what it meant for them. But it was the most comforting thought Rey had experienced in a long time.

He kissed her suddenly, the sort of deep, tender kiss he hadn’t offered since their forced return to the Resistance. She slid her hands up, cupping his stubbly cheeks beneath her palms.

“I love you,” he murmured against her lips as they drew apart.

Rey stilled. She had known, of course- it had stopped being a secret a long time ago. But hearing the words breathed aloud was still a life-changing moment. She could hear her heart racing, echoing in her ears, and she swallowed. Kylo Ren loved her. A man who had fought to free himself from the shackles of caring had fallen in love with her.

Little Rey, the scruffy scavenger girl who had been abandoned before she was old enough to remember, had found love.

“I love you,” she replied.

He smiled. “Let’s go back to our room.”

“I thought we had to train,” Rey protested weakly, already weak at the idea of what might happen if they returned inside.

His mouth was at her ear now, lips brushing softly over the delicate flesh of her lobe. “I can teach you, Rey. I can teach you how wonderful it can be to spend the entire day in bed with someone who can’t get enough of you.”

She shivered, skin erupting into goosebumps. “Training…” she whispered helplessly.

“You already know it’s a good idea to follow my lead, dearest.” He was at his most charming, most seductive. She couldn’t resist him, and he knew it.


End file.
